#BAD #MIA #WEED is #MINE #FAMILY #RITE

#Inn #THyme

Heather,
my dear sister,

I finished my contract unexpectedly early, and while we’ll have to figure that out, for now I wanted to do some of what I hadn’t been able to before. 

I’d love to spend time with you, both at your place and mine. I want to fix stuff up together. Maybe it seems like work or something to you, but to me it’s novel and unique. And it is what feels like “home”. 

Joyce has been nagging in the most Joyce way possible since I first showed my face to have her house pressure washed. At times I’ve gotten resentful wondering why Darryl doesn’t handle it in the middle of the week, and then I remember that some people have the ability and others have the stuff, etc. Meanwhile, I’m secretly happy. I LOVED air blowing off the roof. I don’t see why I’m not going to like wielding the power of that pressure washer and blasting layers of evil, grit and grime away!!! Muwhahaha!

Or not?

Well, anyway. I also have gotten over this holier than thou momma. Time to give her a dose of her own medicine. Want in on the plan?

I bought a collection of seeds from Horizon Herbs “Snowdown” (for fall/winter: https://www.horizonherbs.com/product.asp?specific=2730). I am ordering and having shipped the 20% off raised bed garden, and lastly — do you guys know where you’d get compost? I am measuring how much I need. If we’re talking bags, then I need 14 bags just to fill the raised bed. The raised bed is 8 feet long and 2 feet wide and just 10.5 inches tall. (Home Depot, Greene’s Fence) 

I would also like to add compost to the space outside the raised bed, another 8×4.25 space (more like a mound, won’t have the luxury to buy raised bed frames for everything — herbs go here) and then on back the wall we’d like to plant stuff where it’s barren — thus more mounded compost (it’s all clay) and probably plant sunflowers. We already have two hydrangeas we bought to plant out there too. Hopefully they’ll turn into huge ones like at the K.H. when we were kids. 

So basically before mom comes over — whenever that might be — I’d love to have my gardening going. 

Now, you know I’m weird. So the weirdo me is happy to be learning how to plant and tend food. Useful if the power went out and never came back.

I know gas is terribly expensive between our places. 

I want to come help you accomplish your tasks too. I’d love to drive up with Darryl midweek now that we both “have the day off”. He’s totally handy, we just don’t have a garage with tools for him. :)

Yeah, I’d love to paint, but that feels daunting and expensive (back to being poor). So I realized my heart is in making Joyce happy (she’s depressed and would rather just die already) and investing in the lovely things which are “real”. (I think paint is a BIG deal, but it’s going to be way more effort than painting your place.)

I found compost people who will deliver from Rock Hill or Fort Mill. I have no idea how much. Thought I’d check with my family first. ;)

La Jolla Bath Houses and The Houses I Wish were Mine to Restore

> PRE < and #addressed

Conversation started February 12, 2009
  • Angela Glass
    The other Baxley

    So I see you do interaction design – what do you work on?

    I hear all Baxley’s in the US come from two brothers, John and someone else…? Funny, I was dreaming about genealogy last night.

October 5, 2011
  • Angela Glass

    I just heard about Jobs. This July at 07:06:08 am in the morning I won the bid on eBay for the Jim Henson Think Different educational edition poster. For me, it was my “arrival”. My escape from the corporate beast and into creativity.

    Except—who is going to take care of the dreamers then?

    Are you staying at Apple? I would love to come work there, and I’m going to reach out to Biki to see what’s what.

    But I wanted to know if you’d be sticking around. Something about the desire to work with “family”, even if we aren’t “really” related.

October 9, 2011
  • Bob Baxley

    Hey Angela — sorry for the delayed response. Yep, last week was definitely a challenging one for all of us.

    Needless to say, waking up Wednesday morning thinking that it was your last day to Apple only to find out at noon that you had a couple of extra days and then to find out at 4:30pm that Steve had passed away — well, yep it was quite a day.

    It would be great to have you at Apple so let me know if there’s something I can do there to help. What type of design do you actually do? Is it graphic design or more interaction/UI focused?

    Thanks for the note and look forward to continuing the conversation.

    All the best…Bob

    PS. And congrats on getting the poster. I’ve got one of Jackie Robinson framed and three more waiting for their date at the frame shop.

  • Angela Glass

    Which are the other three? What made you decide to go? I’m interaction/UI. I might have found something to keep me entertained in the AI world, it’s so hard of late to find anything that seems worthwhile putting your mind to. I have a “hire” on record. I’d considered working for the iTunes area before I left SF. Headed out to read by the sea. Hang in there—I can imagine just that sort of day. I had my own personal version of that.

October 24, 2011
  • Bob Baxley

    Hey Angela — sorry for the delayed response. As you can imagine, it’s been pretty crazy around Infinite Loop these past few weeks.

    As things turned out, I was actually able to land a position with Apple Retail. The role is working on employee-facing technology and apps and should be pretty interesting once it gets a bit more defined. All in all, it’s great to still be at Apple and definitely looking forward to some new faces and new challenges.

    As for the posters, I actually have quite a few but the ones that are likely to make it up on the wall are Jackie Robinson, Alfred Hitchcock, Pablo Picasso, and Cezar Chavez. Still have pull the trigger on lots of framing.

    Hope all is well with you. Let me know if you’re ever down in this part of the world. I have the feeling that dinner and a bottle of wine are in order.

    All the best…Bob

October 25, 2011
  • Angela Glass

    Bob you’re wonderful! Tell me more about this position? I’m dying to work on something interesting but just can’t seem to manage to hoist myself back into the South Bay/SF merri-go-round. I was pretty perturbed by my pals in the VC world who would give me anything, as long as it meant sitting in one of their fish bowls. I know it’d be a different story if I had a family, or even a someone, with whom to settle into a town like Palo Alto, but even that seems to be a far fetched idea… I counter it with headed south to Nicaragua like my grandpa did, or over to Europe with friends who make little, but love life much.

    Obviously your experience has been different. Until I ended up car-less, a story as any story in my life goes, I had been thinking about taking up a Genius Bar job. Currently a producer (as in “The Producers” style) is trying to get me to move up to Los Angeles, but it’s hard to suss out if that’s wooing for work, or if he has another agenda. I am thinking of more artistic pursuits.

    A bit of personal/personality here… called it bored, and call it intrigued. Wish I would have reached out (more actively) when I had been in the area. Incidentally, I had commuted every day down to Sunnyvale with my Apple pal who worked on the website. I’m sad to see everyone I know have exited… Faruk, Eris, Stickel, and Jina first come to mind. Biki is still there?
    Don’t worry about quack response times or anything, just happy to hear you figured out swinging a stay. I imagine it’s a great time for sticking it out. Such a legend, even if I only knew him to be arrogant (and genius).
August 27, 2013
  • Angela Glass

    Thank you.

    I love when I believe in the right people. You are one of the coolest I know. You know I don’t say things I don’t mean…

    But don’t go telling people!

    Jan-Michael is so happy.

  • Bob Baxley

    Hope it works out. This could be awesome timing for everyone involved.

    Hope all is well.

  • Angela Glass

    No kidding. If he leaves you and you still need contract, don’t forget me!

    D and I will be in town soon. Not sure if there will be visiting time, but if so…! Cisco is after me to do a Siri like gig contract from home (NC) perm — wondering if you’d think it’d be a non-compete issue. I’ll let you know if I decide to really look at it.

    How’s life?

    surviving the teen?

    i just posted wedding photos on FB

September 4, 2013
  • Angela Glass

    Pull out your Jina notes and use ‘em on JM. Let me know if I should step into mentioning him. I had backed off leaving iTunes besides as a moral mentor.

    Mentoring. He’s killer. He’s so excited. I’m pleased for you both.

November 20, 2013
  • Angela Glass

    Checking on how it’s going with Jan-Michael.

  • Bob Baxley

    He’s doing great. Delivering really solid work and definitely a big asset to the team. Unfortunately I expect him to get picked up by one of the product teams pretty soon so not entirely sure he’ll be with me much longer.

    Sure wish he’d finish his college degree.

    How’s your works these days. Missing the loop that is infinite?

November 21, 2013
  • Angela Glass

    Me too. I pushed him to finish the degree and sent him back to Georgia to do so—Peter fired me and then brought him back again as an intern (the never ending intern) promising a full time role when the head count existed — and then hired someone else meanwhile without telling him. Jammie’s quit school (again) and moved for real (like an employee not intern this time) and then Peter let him go after a few weeks of that. So BLAME PETER I sure do. I’ll eventually have to email Tim and explain everything. I’ve been trying to let my anger pass for Peter prior. (You’ll recall Peter fired me because “everybody likes you and nobody likes me, since you started” and was tracking my period to to shock of my co-workers. I was so stunned I was a blithering blubbering fool when I tried to tell my friend (upper management) about it. — Awkward!

  • Angela Glass

    If Jammie’s has to pass on to a role, then um. Yes, I miss working. If you want me, I want to work for someone I trust. Problem is I’m still largely stuck in a middle world. Darryl and I need time and space together while he has to be able to spend time with the kids while Gianna at least is still under 18 (she’s 15, they are 18 Melissa and 21 Adrian). We’d BOTH love to work for Apple as Steve and MJ implied we could — but I need to find someone or someplace which wants a pair of rockstars who more than make up for the difference. As it is, he lost his long term boring contract with a company who put him on salary to under pay him (like a full time contract) which is freedom, but hey—I never made any money at Apple (all that stock for when you stay long term never helped pay the bills for my family that I didn’t want to talk about … ) so, yeah… thats my long more detail so you can help if there’s a place to ‘help’ out and point me/us in the right direction. Otherwise, I’d really really like to find out who cares about me being a world class undercover product researcher. I still act like I did at Microsoft (and was paid for) to bring the product cycle full circle to fix issues. — SO would have been perfect if the incoming VP wasn’t from HP … anyone else would have kept me on the payroll and loved the ‘cheap’ research at that price point. Honestly, I couldn’t afford to live in my basement in SF and work at Apple. So now I’m jobless but I also only need very little money anymore. Problem: Kids and the college and daddy has a tax debt from when he first tried doing solo and screwed up the taxes.

  • Angela Glass

    On another note— how do you feel about me returning to the scene of the crime? I used to be illustrious even here. But I think I would try to pursue being independent or staying @Apple (@Google keeps sniffing, but I feel like I need to stay on ‘my team’ — my ex now runs a massive part of that world, and I’d rather not ‘compete’ with my Siri love by designing her for the third time elsewhere.)

  • Angela Glass

    I’m a AI consultant too, but it seems no one ever knows what that is and why they’d need it, and i’m not a sales girls, so no $$ though I’d imagine a payday there would be great.

    Jared (Spool) used to be my advice guy, but you and I have gotten to connect more lately. Interested in your thoughts — don’t worry, I type more than I expect you to!
    Which product team for JM? and did Annie get off Peter’s team yet? That woman has more patience than anyone. She hated him when I started and was ready to leave months earlier. Sucks, that’s a whole year passed again. Fear is a terrible persuasion in certain cultures. #ABOVE #ADOBE

 

January 21
  • Angela Glass

    I just saw you lost JM to #iWork. I hope he was useful in the time with you, and you must be proud to ‘promote him’ onwards.

    Also, if you have contract work that’s remote — I’d love to help!

    I miss Apple. Smart people everywhere. Say hi some time, and think of me when you go to that kabob place!

  • Bob Baxley

    Yep. Always expected JMC to find a better role so was just happy we had him as long as we did. Amazing set of contributions for four months work.

    Can’t say remote contract work comes up to often but I’ll keep you in mind.

    Apple is definitely a unique place but it’s not the only unique place.

    Hope you’re well.

  • Angela Glass

    Hi! Oh I’m so glad to hear it! I thought he was super sharp.
    I’m well enough. Have gotten bored, and need to find fruitful work again. Banking is after bee, but, ugh. What an industry. How’s life? I miss hearing about your kid drama.
  • Bob Baxley

    You should put up a site and advertise that you do design work remotely.

    Lots of companies would be happy to work that way. It’s just #Apple’s way of working.

    Going rate in SV is $200/hr. Given your lower cost of living, ask $150 and see how many takers you get.

    Work 20 hours a week and you’re making $150K a year.

  • Angela Glass

    I’ve never known how to get business, nor quite how to advertise it. But you know, you’re completely right. Should I put the rate out there so no one contacts me for work thinking it’s crazy low rate?

    For instance I’m being hounded to go into Wells Fargo at $60/hr. for 18 months

    I think I’d be miserable, but of course I’m “perfect for them” (agency)

    Oh Bob, I miss our talks. Thanks for taking a moment for me.

  • Bob Baxley

    Tell them the rate when they call. Local firms there will have a heart attack if you ask $200. The trick is to work for CA companies while living outside CA.

    Just identify around 100 companies that you’re interested in and think you can help out. Send them an email through their job board and tell them how you think you could help.

    Maybe five will respond and that’s three more than you really need.

    Think companies like Sonos or other mid-size private companies doing stuff you think is cool.

  • Bob Baxley

    It’s not advertising per se. It’s just letting them know you’re available.

    Most people in those companies know they need designers but have no idea how to find or recruit them.

  • Angela Glass

    I found a website about working remote but there was little listed. I realize I can ‘bank’ on my name and my reputation, especially since Apple, but the how to was the part I wasn’t sure of

    do you know someone who’s in the kind of place I am? I’d love to find a site to see how they present themselves. I think I failed before in presenting myself with a business name rather than just as a one person expert

  • Bob Baxley

    Read Scott Berkun’s “Year Without Pants”. It’s all about working remotely.

    Thousands of designers work independently. Check out Dribbler or Behance to see tons and tons of portfolios.

  • Angela Glass

    Oh geez.

    Scott is a great friend.

    I’m a dork.

    He and I used to meet like you and I.

  • Bob Baxley

    Definitely go with your name only. You need to think more like you’re a writer or a painter or a photographer rather than thinking your some sort of multi person studio.

  • Angela Glass

    Back when I was MS and he’d just left. I should grab that book.

    and what should I “sell”

    as services?

    or do we assume people know what UX is?

    I’ve always been in corporate roles

    so I have little outside experience

  • Bob Baxley

    Sell your design skills. IA, interaction design, etc.

    Your portfolio will illustrate your skills.

  • Angela Glass

    I feel like a child with no experience, so I am VERY grateful for this conversation

    I think my portfolio shows nothing.

  • Bob Baxley

    The people you’ll talk to won’t know squat about UX. That’s why they’d hire you.

  • Angela Glass

    My work at Apple was undone

  • Bob Baxley

    Well you have to figure out what you want to do. What can you do on your own that would be useful?

  • Angela Glass

    Oh! They changed it again

    much better!

     

    apple.com

  • Bob Baxley

    Probably something related to wireframes and work flows.

  • Angela Glass

    Yeah, I’m great at telling people what’s wrong, how to fix it and such

    product strategy and design

    trained in product management

    i’ve managed to learn the whole gamut pretty much along the way

  • Bob Baxley

    Product design is a popular title these days.

  • Angela Glass

    Oh really?

    that was my role at MS

    I thought it was old school

    you’re a wealth of info

  • Bob Baxley

    The trick is to find small companies lacking any of these skills and then you’re automatically the expert.

  • Angela Glass

    yeah, i remain nervous about running into school types who have all kinds of documents and things I’m not accustomed to

    though I never have

  • Bob Baxley

    I was an independent contractor for six years. I know that world pretty well.

  • Angela Glass

    i think what i don’t know has limited my confidence to an extent it never should have

    man, i wish i would have reached out to you before

  • Bob Baxley

    Nobody cares about pedigree. They care about portfolios.

  • Angela Glass

    though now is the moment i feel ready to tackle a new adventure

    send me pointers to portfolios that you admire if you have them

    i’m great at seeing what people see in examples

  • Bob Baxley

    Go to some design conferences and network.

    You need to attach yourself to people already in demand and they’ll through you overflow work.

  • Angela Glass

    i need to figure out how to take what doesn’t show well and make it apparent what’s what

  • Bob Baxley

    Do you know Christina Wodtke? Erin Malone?

  • Angela Glass

    Erin Malone I know

    not Christina

  • Bob Baxley

    Erin can introduce you to a few hundred people.

    Go to SXSW in Austin.

  • Angela Glass

    Money

    The bank reneg’ed on the mortgage on the townhouse

    So closing took my cash savings

    they found out i was leaving apple

    so strick

    but yes, sxsw was my routine before

    i know peeps

  • Bob Baxley

    Ah. Well, emails cheap. Send out a few hundred of those.

  • Angela Glass

    i’ve never asked for help

    you’re right. time to cash in.

    i’ve also helped a lot of people along the way

    i’m just unaccustomed to the spot i’m in now

  • Bob Baxley

    It’s not so much you asking for their help. It’s you telling them you’re available to help them.

  • Angela Glass

    oh

    sxsw companies who want a name

    pick up @biz

    got it

  • Bob Baxley

    The world needs and wants designers. They just don’t know where to go find them.

  • Angela Glass

    you’re awesome bob

    i just pre-registered http://angela.glass

    today

    so i’m already on my way

  • Bob Baxley

    Glad I can be of service.

  • Angela Glass

    that’s the ‘portfolio’ which i find embarassing

    feel free to critique

  • Bob Baxley

    So that’s your first design project. You gotta build a portfolio you’re proud of.

  • Angela Glass

    when you say “build” do designers today code their own sites too?

    i saw Jan-Michael did that

    the one that’s there is a service one of my recruiter friends told me to use back when she was recruiting me for FB

    all these kids code and design

    makes me feel old

    ok. i’m going to start working on this. thanks for all the info. I’ll order Scott’s book. He was supposed to send me a copy to review, but I never got it

January 25
  • Angela Glass

    Ummmmmm… if you happen to spot the other Baxley on the list, would you take a photo for me?!

November 4
November 5
  • Angela Glass

    just in case i’m too late to play purple nirples games with pussys who play in shag ragtime carpeted cunt games,,,

    well then imagine @v’s secret show 2 years rock the vote no sponsored by #663399 work for free

    @mollydotcom dying

    great #cover #photop

    #coffee!UP later de/bee/taers

Seen Nov 5 by Tim Cook @ Apple, Inc.

Angela Glass
5/8, 8:40pm

Conversation started May 8, 2013
Angela Glass
florian, kate

— i’m getting married. plan a flight to san diego for PM of 5/24? it’s private, so keep the questions and response here.

also, meet bob. bob is my friend, the other baxley, no relation. Turns out you guys are in side-by-side buildings. first meeting might be weird, but you guys would get along. do lunch or something. or bring beer over to our building on early PM pre-shuttle time and i’ll grab steve too.
bob, florian and i worked together on itunes and became real friends as i was ‘leaving’. kate is his awesome fiance. they are displaced people with heavy accents from somewhere.
Florian Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:45pm
Florian Grünke-Horton
Getting married?
Angela Glass
5/8, 8:46pm
Angela Glass
yup
Florian Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:46pm
Florian Grünke-Horton
Wow. Awesome.
Angela Glass
5/8, 8:47pm
Angela Glass
see what happens when we skip a few weekends?
seriously guys
it’s all your fault
Kate Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:47pm
Kate Grünke-Horton
WIAH!
Angela Glass
5/8, 8:47pm
Angela Glass
so you got plans? my coworker sidney and his wife are coming
Florian Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:47pm
Florian Grünke-Horton
Always blame the foreigners!
Kate Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:47pm
Kate Grünke-Horton
I mean woah!
Angela Glass
5/8, 8:47pm
Angela Glass
they are also foreigners
british and irish maybe?
anyway, yeah whoa
even more so once you know how many years of weaving of crazy the story is
but there’s time for stories as long as we’re alive, now i just want you to (a) get to know bob
and (b) see if you guys can come
Kate Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:48pm
Kate Grünke-Horton
Angela Glass
5/8, 8:48pm
Angela Glass
and (c) I’ll invite everyone to the ‘wedding’ in NC too
but this is the real thing, and private
btw i may be gone this weekend. grandpa dying
Florian Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:49pm
Florian Grünke-Horton
That’s sad news.
Angela Glass
5/8, 8:49pm
Angela Glass
so mom’s planning his party this weekend, thus my third death party trek to Indiana in just about a year?
Florian Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:49pm
Florian Grünke-Horton
Your grandpa, that is
Angela Glass
5/8, 8:49pm
Angela Glass
yup. sort of stunned on that one.
my uncle which was completely stunning i took well
Florian Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:50pm
Florian Grünke-Horton
Kate and I can check flights tonight.
Angela Glass
5/8, 8:50pm
Angela Glass
sweet!
Kate Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:50pm
Kate Grünke-Horton
Yaaaaay!
Angela Glass
5/8, 8:50pm
Angela Glass
the point is to be in la jolla by friday PM
i want to get married after midnight on the ocean
Kate Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:50pm
Kate Grünke-Horton
I’m so excited! Though sorry to hear about your grandpa
Florian Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:50pm
Florian Grünke-Horton
In Mexico?
Angela Glass
5/8, 8:50pm
Angela Glass
thanks
and no worries — remember my family believes in resurrection, and eternity
no la jolla san diego
Kate Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:51pm
Kate Grünke-Horton
oh yeah- that must come in handy
Florian Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:51pm
Florian Grünke-Horton
Ah, good.
Never been so that might be an interesting one.

5/8/13 Florian Grünke-Horton named the conversation: Wedding planning.
n
Conversation started October 30
Angela Glass
10/30, 9:41am
Angela Glass
Please let me tell you my story so maybe I can stop grieving. It's for my friend, the 'gay intern'. After I was fired first, then him, I let the gay intern move in on my couch, and found him another job from within. 
Peter Gremett cost me years worth of confidence as I couldn't that after all I had faced prior now, I had to fight to protect a kid from a homophobe. 
That kid was dealing with questions about faith, religion, God, family, "coming out" and what it would cost him—he expected that it would cost him his family. Meanwhile, I was trying to keep him from ever finding out what our boss thought of two lesbian women kissing across the street from his home—"they don't have any of them" at his kids school he said, when I inquired why he was so concerned about "protecting" them in the first place. 
I am the sacrificial lamb. I believe the most amazing talented girl is still stuck there working for him, as he's made her terrified of movement. The intern was happily placed with a good friend, and has kept on his merry way unscathed.
I'm still seething. I quit.
Angela Glass
10/30, 9:45am
Angela Glass
Ask Alexandra, she can tell you just how I fell apart in her office. I could barely articulate. I think you'll notice I'm not much better. Maybe one day I can forgive. But unfortunately it's hard when he's still at Apple and I miss "home". My last iPod was stolen. Jobs is dead. I believe in you, and Steve believed that "God" is love. He and I agreed on just a few things. He was good friends with another friend of mine, who I worked with at Microsoft—Vic Gundotra. He's at Google now. You can check my cred. I'm legit. But not too legit to quit.  Keep it up. Help me believe in this world so I can find a way to keep being crazy.
Angela Glass
10/30, 9:45am
Angela Glass
Thank you!  PS I know you won't see this, you'll receive it otherwise, the folks cc'ed get it first. I don't know how to get to you since we're not friends yet!  Please forgive me if I've gaffed. I only meant love.
October 30
Angela Glass
10/30, 1:27pm
Angela Glass
Thanks "guys".   Miss you Flo.
And Bob, well, you know like family. Almost. The other @baxley.
October 31

Oct 31Florian Grünke-Horton left the conversation.

Angela Glass
5/8, 8:58pm
Angela Glass
On the phone… brb
Florian Grünke-Horton
5/8, 8:58pm
Florian Grünke-Horton
So, where are you guys staying?
Sure
I am on the bus…
Kate Grünke-Horton
5/8, 9:02pm
Kate Grünke-Horton
I am on my chair.
Angela Glass
5/8, 9:12pm
Angela Glass
probably la valencia
Kate Grünke-Horton
5/8, 9:15pm
Kate Grünke-Horton
what is that?
hotel?
it’s PINK!
Angela Glass
5/8, 9:25pm
Angela Glass
yeah, i know. it’s just a gorgeous hotel otherwise
Kate Grünke-Horton
5/8, 9:25pm
Kate Grünke-Horton
it looks awesome
Angela Glass
5/8, 9:28pm
Angela Glass
it’s pricey, sidney is probably staying elsewhere
for the on the beach option but NO FRILLS the La Jolla Travelodge is where I usually stay, or there’s a hotel across the street nicer brand.
Angela Glass
5/8, 9:46pm
Angela Glass
we should start a new convo w/o poor bob, and name it ENGAGEMENT party
Bob Baxley
5/8, 11:36pm
Bob Baxley
Angela Glass
5/9, 12:00am
Angela Glass
heya boberiffic
so glad you happened to be meeting with me today. was terrific to share the news with someone in person.

5/9/13
You named the conversation: La Jolla Weekend to Remember.
Ang & Christian

hit it clr — CHRISTi@angie

Conversation started July 13, 2013

Angela Glass
7/13, 9:53pm
Angela Glass
come up to 10. we’re getting ready for the ‘prom’. would love to see if we can include you in as much as possible, including introducing you to the organizers of the event
regardless, you know where i lay my head, we’ll be up here until we come down again.
July 14, 2013
Lucy Bruchet
7/14, 7:22pm
Lucy Bruchet
What’s the name of the creative center in SF u were telling me about? Where is it?
Angela Glass
7/14, 9:55pm
Angela Glass
Hey!!!! My phone died right away. I have the room still!!! Can I overnight it. I was lovingly distracted by saying goodbye and by the wood whose name I still can’t recall! Can I overnight it? Did Eris ever show up (bag in lobby I left key on top).
Facebook.com/creativescenter
seven seymour
san francisco
July 15, 2013
Lucy Bruchet
7/15, 4:13am
Lucy Bruchet
Palo Santo is the wood. Just drop it in the mail if u would: 424 E Palm Canyon Dr. 92264. No still have Eris stuff here. Will she come back for it? I got the key on top
July 15, 2013
Angela Glass
7/15, 12:41pm
Angela Glass
Key will come from apple overnight. Hilarious. You get to see my sisters more than me. Guess you’re in.
Angela Glass
7/15, 12:42pm
Angela Glass
Oh. We have to install a — well, you know, if you want — an electric keypad lock on room 10. The key killed the weekend so I could be resurrected. Have to be low to stand. Research the word resurrection? I thought it meant something totally diff than I thought before I was given the epiphany.
July 19, 2013
Angela Glass
7/19, 10:07am
Angela Glass
are you around? haven’t heard from you since the fires.
July 19, 2013
Lucy Bruchet
7/19, 3:44pm
Lucy Bruchet
I am around! Had friends in town from SF since last Sunday….and then of course the fires have distracted me. Still reading the Message. Loving it!
In work related news, our account manager asked about your reservation. I never ran charges on your card. Did you collect from Tikva? Is it okay if she runs your card? Didn’t want her doing it without checking with you first.
July 21, 2013
Lucy Bruchet
7/21, 1:25pm
Lucy Bruchet
Wow! I have been so deceived by the New Age Movement. I am so happy that you led me back to Jesus. I’m still in shock of how “enlightened” I thought I was and how blindly I was following Lucifer. Yikes! I am so grateful for you encouraging me to read the bible. Thank God! Do you go to Church or where do you find community?
July 22, 2013
Angela Glass
7/22, 5:56am
Angela Glass
At Hotel California. Just serve grapes and grain. Or wine and bread…
Kick it and be kind.
Just call my name, and baby, I’ll be there.
So how’s the Walker?
November 19, 2013
Angela Glass
11/19, 6:48pm
Angela Glass
your brother still interested in helping save La Jolla surf culture and hotels and hostile takeovers and such?
momma, you’ve been on my mind. wine and bread and cheese and sea salt crushed in virgin oil, with you my beauty, please?
Angela Glass
11/19, 6:49pm
Angela Glass
otherwise, let’s get http://shorecolony.com/ figuerd out
The Shore Colony | The Creatives’ Center and Surf Colony on Windansea Beach, La Jolla
shorecolony.com
I love WindanseaPosted on 2011.02.07 by Gidget1I love living here. It’s smack dab in the middle of art, history and culture, and it sits pretty close to a free society. For months I’ve daydreamed about what it would take to preserve the building. You see, I had moved away from San Diego. Packed ever…
Angela Glass
11/19, 6:50pm
Angela Glass
then i want the old cottages next to the dying man’s hotel
old chicken roost next to the Brockton Villa
Let’s take over—Christ is on his way. Paradise to come, and 1,000 years of humans reigning from heaven.
You and me, babe?
xoxo
lmk
November 28
Angela Glass
11/28, 5:53pm
Angela Glass
Just thinking of you, again. Love you long distance and long time—who is minding the old inn? Have a girl friend, Diana, in from Dubai who was asking about the real one. I was talking about mine in La Jolla. Have spare room ready—come visit me Love!!!
Lucy Bruchet
11/28, 8:44pm
Lucy Bruchet
Angela! So good to hear from you, darlin’. I am working at the HC in the mornings. Just about 2 weeks from delivering our baby. Holy Cow! Would love to visit. When will you be back to visit California? Was thinking of you the other day and our wonderful talks. So cool!

Conversation started July 17, 2013

Angela Glass
7/17, 10:46pm
Angela Glass
hon
allen
are you there?
Allen Walker
7/17, 10:47pm
Allen Walker
Allen Walker
7/17, 10:48pm
Allen Walker
Hey game Ganga
What’s up what’s up
Darryl Glass
7/17, 10:49pm
Darryl Glass
Any idea about where to get a few chairs for the beach wedding?
Allen Walker
7/17, 10:49pm
Allen Walker
Define a few
Darryl Glass
7/17, 10:49pm
Darryl Glass
Don’t need many, maybe 20
Allen Walker
7/17, 10:50pm
Allen Walker
I mean I certainly have maybe 8 or 10 but if they need to be nice in white obviously fold up would be important we may need to rent some for $2 each buy some the 3-4 hours each and have them forever dollars each
I will keep my eyes peeled
We’ve got a good week and a half for two before the wedding I should be able to find some
Obviously we need to be able to put them all in the trunk of a car or a station wagon to get him to the beach
Darryl Glass
7/17, 10:51pm
Darryl Glass
Yep
Allen Walker
7/17, 10:52pm
Allen Walker
If you guys happen to be scouring Craigslist locally in C chairs make a deal I’ll go get them I’ll look myself but any help would be great
Darryl Glass
7/17, 10:52pm
Darryl Glass
Ok, we’ll check around
Allen Walker
7/17, 10:53pm
Allen Walker
Darryl Glass
7/17, 10:54pm
Darryl Glass
Darryl Glass
7/17, 10:54pm
Darryl Glass
We’re going to miss this weekend party
Allen Walker
7/17, 10:55pm
Allen Walker
it will not be the last
I promise
I don’t think anybody is going to come it’s going to be too crowded
He he he he he
Darryl Glass
7/17, 10:56pm
Darryl Glass
Allen Walker
7/17, 10:57pm
Allen Walker
You guys just need to rest up!
Darryl Glass
7/17, 10:58pm
Darryl Glass
We got a week and a half and after the reception party we rest
Allen Walker
7/17, 10:59pm
Allen Walker
Darryl Glass
7/17, 10:59pm
Darryl Glass
There will be no rest at the party
Allen Walker
7/17, 10:59pm
Allen Walker
Allen Walker
7/17, 11:00pm
Allen Walker
It shouldn’t be too terribly much rest after the wedding! hahaha
Darryl Glass
7/17, 11:01pm
Darryl Glass
A most valid point, but at least it’s relaxing activity
Allen Walker
7/17, 11:02pm
Allen Walker
Allen Walker
7/17, 11:02pm
Allen Walker
Shine on captain
Darryl Glass
7/17, 11:02pm
Darryl Glass
Allen Walker
7/17, 11:03pm
Allen Walker
Sleep tight so I find a stack of chairs I’ll let you guys know
Darryl Glass
7/17, 11:03pm
Darryl Glass
Thx
July 18, 2013
Angela Glass
7/18, 8:43am
Angela Glass
ut oh. i birthed another.

https://twitter.com/iSiriSilly

July 25, 2013
Darryl Glass
7/25, 6:00pm
Darryl Glass
My son is asking if out would be ok for he and another groomsman to come down and spend the night there.
Allen Walker
7/25, 6:14pm
Allen Walker
Allen Walker
7/25, 6:14pm
Allen Walker
No problem, come on down
I might be in the master if not they can have that is always bunk beds upstairs downstairs skies room in the futon in the washroom couches et cetera
Darryl Glass
7/25, 6:21pm
Darryl Glass
Cool
I’ll update you on their eta when they leave
Allen Walker
7/25, 6:22pm
Allen Walker
Darryl Glass
7/25, 6:23pm
Darryl Glass
My son’s name is Adrian, the other its Lucas
July 25, 2013
Darryl Glass
7/25, 10:46pm
Darryl Glass
The gus say they expect to arrive about 12:30
*guys
Will there be a key or will the door be unlocked?
July 27, 2013
Darryl Glass
7/27, 10:37am
Darryl Glass
Allen, we’re coming back by shortly, when will you be there? We have a creepy issue to deal with
Allen Walker
7/27, 11:16am
Allen Walker
tell me so I can bring necessary soulution!
be there in an hour
Darryl Glass
7/27, 11:17am
Darryl Glass
we are on our way back there now, with a few warriors
Allen Walker
7/27, 11:18am
Allen Walker
could you tell me what the issue is…
I need to fix a toilet i know
Darryl Glass
7/27, 11:19am
Darryl Glass
Yeah – waterbug swarm last night
Allen Walker
7/27, 11:19am
Allen Walker
creepy scares me
got you..will bring stuff for that
be there soon
Darryl Glass
7/27, 11:22am
Darryl Glass
Allen Walker
7/27, 11:29am
Allen Walker
headed to lowes right now to get Rid-a Bug!!!! and fluid master!
July 30, 2013
Angela Glass
7/30, 5:57pm
Angela Glass
hey allen, how’s it going? we’re out and done.
left yesterday with the rest of the family. we heard you had people coming in and we wanted to make sure we didn’t get in the way. darryl and i love your cabin “castle keep” and would love to come sneak in some day and ‘breath’ and listen to your records! xoxo
July 30, 2013
Allen Walker
7/30, 9:20pm
Allen Walker
Allen Walker
7/30, 9:21pm
Allen Walker
Sounds like everything went super well you guys are welcome to low. Anytime to elute il ok….elope. .
The photographs you posted were timeless
I hope one day I have similar images and feelings you guys take care!
Angela Glass
7/30, 9:26pm
Angela Glass
Angela Glass
7/30, 9:26pm
Angela Glass
Toilet seat
Allen Walker
7/30, 9:33pm
Allen Walker
Everything I’ve got is broken please make no apologies I’m just delighted y’all made it through the experience! I think I can swing in a toilet seat for $9 especially when it needed one to start with!
Angela Glass
7/30, 9:51pm
Angela Glass
I bet you’ll find one in the back barn.
How’s the Lucy romance going? Invited her to visit yet?

7/30/13You named the conversation: Lucy with the Sky of Diamonds.
Allen Walker
7/30, 10:00pm
Allen Walker
She hasn’t responded to my post I think its her turn maybe that’s the logical illogical
PS I need a woman more of your stature relatively skinny
Angela Glass
7/30, 10:01pm
Angela Glass
Hmmm or it was missed entirely. There’s epic stuff going on. I’ll check in. Oh yoga curvy not your thing?
Allen Walker
7/30, 10:01pm
Allen Walker
Allen Walker
7/30, 10:02pm
Allen Walker
with all respect to Daryl I like a woman approximately your shape if they get thick when they’re young they use the way three or four hundred pounds when they’re 45
no offense
Angela Glass
7/30, 10:03pm
Angela Glass
Angela Glass
7/30, 10:03pm
Angela Glass
LOL
Got it.
Allen Walker
7/30, 10:04pm
Allen Walker
Seen by everyone

Angela-Marié-Niblick-Baxley-Glass-and-Philip-Darryl

all kinds of blues

On Sun, Oct 12, 2014 at 1:37 PM, Angela Marie Glass <angelamarieglass@gmail.com> wrote:

Hey and don’t you think this photo of Eilon and I could make us relatives? :) I think it’s the nose? 

http://spunkygidget.com/2006/03/19/grand-canyon-a-quick-helicopter-tour/

In other news, I finally told the truth about why I left Microsoft. The CEO made some stupid comment about women—at a conference celebrating women in technology, no less—and I lost it. I feel better. Lighter.

I’m telling you because you know Eilon and I are tight as blood but keep up like we have eternity. So he’ll hear somehow I’m guessing, but I’m sharing with you as my kind of dad. 

The story, if you want to read it, I can send. Otherwise, I just wanted to say hello and send some love to you and your family!

Hello to Shlomit! 

Love,

Angela

a ? cline'd U yet...

 

Begin forwarded message:
Reply-To: halipton@gmail.com
Date: October 25, 2014 at 11:15:44 AM EDT
Subject: Re: Thinking of you…
From: Howard Lipton <halipton@gmail.com>
To: Angela Marie Glass <angelamarieglass@gmail.com>

Dear Angela,

Please pardon my tardy reply. I am always delighted to hear from you, and I truly hope that all is going well with you and yours.

Like so many, I was astounded at what Nadella said. Even though he is Indian and only came to the U.S. as an adult, he has been here at least a quarter century and runs the 3d largest company in the world. He knows that women are woefully underrepresented in the coding sectors of his own company, and he certainly knows that teenaged and college women are as interested in the future financial security of their eventual families as are boys. He cannot possibly believe that a paternal attitude where the bosses will “look after the girls” will attract the brilliant women that Microsoft needs, even if he grew up in that culture as a child. Just as does everyone else, these women want transparently equal opportunities for advancement and financial security. While I do not know a lot about him, I am exceedingly suspicious that he actually spoke his mind and told the world what he really thinks. If that is the case, then regardless of his skills as a CEO, I would hope the board considers a change.

Yes, I am interested in why you left Microsoft and would love to read your story. Also, I briefly noticed the comment on your website about “walking after midnight.” While I do not know if that was your reference, that song by Patsy Cline is one of my all-time favorites.

Thanksgiving is approaching, and you know what it means to me. I hope D’ar’r’y’l realizes how lucky he is.

All the best,

Howard

 

my heart beats only for you

Begin forwarded message:

From: Angela Marie Glass
Subject: i’m sorry my love
Date: December 13, 2014 at 12:52:56 PM EST
Cc: Angela Marie Baxley Glass

To: Darryl Glass

TODO #Today #Publish

Begin forwarded message:

From: Angela Marie Glass
Subject: i’m sorry my love
Date: October 5, 2014 at 1:41:30 PM EDT
To: Darryl Glass

i have hit a very pragmatic point.

i haven’t got much grace left it seems.

i wanted to apologize and clarify.

yesterday i didn’t mean to imply anything other than i wanted to stop the automatic bill pay transactions.

maybe that upset you because you had just put $1,000 in the account so that they could draft that?

i’m open to that concept. i was looking to prevent another saturday morning race to the bank.

you can withdrawal $1,000 as easily as impressively put it in.

but you became upset. i was meanwhile stunned. i had just learned about Gianna’s $300/mth esurance.

my mind went blank. it felt cold. numb. blank. i needed time to process.

in the end the processing was simple, just hard from a cold start.

i don’t know your financial situation. i have no idea how much money you have and where, and i know that you are still in bed with your ex-wife financially.

but really it was quite simple.

your bills are your bills. if you want to pay $300 a month for insurance for your daughter and “buy her expensive things” then you are free to do so.

i don’t think this has to get much more complicated in spelling things out. i mean, there’s no money in “the” bank account, and i have no interest in getting a job.

it’s likely that i’ll get a job again just about that time i have house fever and have gotten bored.

but it’s really a good moment to take stock and reset our perspectives.

i feel like you’re living with a 1950’s ideal you don’t want to admit.

but we don’t have to look at the past as if we can somehow change it or fix it. look back if you want to learn, otherwise, face forward…

so, i don’t need to know your bills. i know the bills i am a part of, and know that i should contribute to the household in all manners, now as before, as always. financially speaking, i have very little contribution required, from what i ascertain, as i obviously am not expected neither legally nor morally to care for yours and Angela’s children, nor should i contribute to “the expensive things” you want to buy your daughter.

if you’re wondering about how i form such perspectives of you—for instance, of late we’ve talked about how over time my respect for you has diminished—it comes from things like that.

if you were my best friend, then i would tell you to stop being stupid. if you were my best friend and not my lover, i would say can you believe the idiot had the gall to say that to me? after I gave his daughter the largest financial gift i’ve ever made to anyone? it’s hard to keep a straight face when you grand stand your male ego of being the provider and paint this daddy’s girl idea.

it hurts because i realize you’re so wrapped up in this image that you fail to realize that you’re doing this daddy’s princess routine with a fatherless girl.

i marvel lately at how little you think of what you put out there and how it impacts what you receive.

i wanted love and romance with you, but ironically my husband holds the record for calling me a “bitch”. you’re steadily tearing my self-esteem apart.

i would appreciate a more upbuilding environment. i used to try to correct you—remember last year when we would fight so often?

back then the scripture just kept going through my mind, and you recall, i’d try to introduce scripture but you always found it to be my extracting straw from your eye, and anyway, after countless potty mouth or racist jokes, finally it seemed that “let no obscene thing be mentioned among you” had been accomplished by the sheer fact that you realized I’d heard them all already.

back then my heart hurt because as we’d walk the street a see a gay person you’d see someone worth mocking, pointing and talking about, and i see hurt and pain. you see my best friend, tobey, she’s gay. it seems god puts us in positions which force us to grapple with the hardest points if we’re able. i finally got to the point that i realized that it isn’t for us to judge, no, we were called to love.

maybe we’re different. maybe you regret running away in the night to marry me. i don’t know. you’re not very expressive and we spend the majority of our time talking about the negative.

but the thing is, i just simply don’t care. what does it matter at this point? are you going to pout because i’m naturally beautiful but not interested in the antics of your ex-wife? at least be thrilled i’m not as bad as your daughter. though, to be fair, i imagine one day she’ll snap out her wearing her constant workout apparel and will be every bit as beautiful made up as her mother. but that has nothing to do with me. i’m me. i’m not that type.

i’m just kind of sick of the way things are in this small cycle. i’m frustrated because there seems to be no exit but to declare it alone. i had hoped we’d work through things together, but I don’t even know what ‘together’ there is.

so here is my “i’m through” email. i’m through paying your bills. i cancelled the weekly transfer for Gianna’s child support. i cancelled the transfer for your wife’s home equity line of credit. i cancelled the transfer for the car payment.

i have not cancelled your mother’s meager weekly allowance because we both know that she’s on your priority list below your children and probably below me. So if I don’t take care of her, who will? Just being factual. So serious the capital letters entered again. (in other words, while you’re buying expensive things for your daughter, and paying for her $300/mth insurance, I think that I should be able to find a way to maintain a meager $25 for your mother weekly. At least until you have time to shift your priorities… or well, I guess I’ll just keep doing it, because your mom will be dead before your children stop sucking down your money.)

if things were different, well, things would be different. in a different day dream, mine, i day dream how you’d eagerly want to see the world full of color—instead of imprisoning me in your pale pallor of procrastination—and be thrilled the new girl wants to know what color strikes your fancy, resonates your soul, ripples your energy. maybe you’d even notice just how long she’d put off her own pleasure and happiness just to ensure that she can most fully take into account your own. maybe you’d notice how the girl procrastinates and hems and haws while she’s just trying not to move forward with him. she has the color. a color she could have picked alone, but now sadly there’s the color. picked the color, and then now what? how many more days, weeks, before the next step? she was already so heart broken she turned on her heel and said ‘let’s get out of here’ already exhausted at the prospect of either spending the time now to shop for the things which force action with a heart which says, he’s still not ready.

i daydream the beautiful blue wall with the fall’s brilliant light shining through. the warm golden sunshine color brightening up the bottom floor as if ever persistent sunshine hit the caribbean mind. the buttery ritz carlton color running through the neutral space up the stairs and through the hall flanked by bright white trim pulling you through the space.

i don’t like the new purple/blue colored sheets, i mention it because they jar my mind right now as i know that no longer does the bed have the serene beautiful set going i had, but has instead this mishmash of stuff. a curiosity you care so much but not about the things i care about. so we have sheets i hate, enjoyed picking them out with you. but don’t ever want to see them. i like my somber dreary gray dream sheets. the other set is similar enough. i like the dark drape of deep earth covering. i picture the gray blue of dusk the calming color of stress eased away, weariness not yet worn out. the color falls fading to the sand like floor beneath, rising into a shimmer which taunts you as you wonder if its even there, that glimmer of a star, that sweep of beautifully illuminated crystals of light captured in tiny water droplets in a fog of beautiful dreams crowning the ceiling.

i picture the bathroom. i have the hardest time there, because i find it uninspiring. i am reminded that it’s not a daydream, you did ignore every bit of what i said about the mold until now you agree it’s mold. go back to real day dream world and an actual ‘challenge’ meaning—something beyond what i can simply just accomplish and normally would have if i were alone—would be to actually put an interesting shower in, and figure out how to make the best of the elements that are in there (as it’s a resale unit one day regardless) while being that simple selling point. i could talk all the time telling you the story about the ralph lauren carpet and what others thought of my teddy bear carpet expense… or i could just tell you about how i’ve dreamed of showering with my feet on real water smoothed stones under my feet for years now.

i imagine that we stay for about four years. seems to short investment-wise, it should just be booming then, and selling is selling too early. i don’t expect you’ll have anything to contribute to a new home, because my bet is that you don’t have a financial divorce from Angela before she’s married, and since you will fail to do it before she’s married, then there will be nothing to start it happening, until finally Gianna hits 18 and is still living at home with her new daddy and mom.

At that point it will pretty much be too late for anything but for an interesting legal battle. I don’t think it matters too much all in all because it will just wait until some judge is stuck figuring out how to untangle your stupidity. The longer she lives in the home, the longer she deserves 50%. So all in all, as long as she keeps paying, then who cares until it hits her being there 13 years? Reality is simple—she can’t sell without your signature. Which means she can’t sell. When one day she wants to move on, then she will either screw you, move out, say it’s your problem, and then STILL refuse to split the house fairly, or she’ll want out and be forced to make a decision. She’ll have lost all rights. Having married prior to it being her property and that he already lives there and is investing his work —stupid woman, he’s a contractor!— in the home, means that he is now legally entitled to the house as martial property when he marries her. So like it or not, before she can pass it on to her kids—yeah, right—she’ll have to give him and his kids his portion. So your grand gesture buying into her stupidity means you’re betting she’ll survive the marriage to pass the house on to the kids. If he divorces her, as he invested in the material property and lived there with her as his home, then he’s entitled to half as martial property despite the fact that YOU own it. It’s HER asset to.

Her divorcing him is likely to be what prompts the sale of the house if they don’t go to buy their own first. For him to get his share he’d have to force a sale. Since we’re talking marriage and divorce, it seems it’ll hit about the same point in time when you might realize she’s sitting on your nest egg. As long as the economy stays good, and the sewer issue doesn’t ruin anything, you should have an appreciating home. Its in safe hands, as obviously he’s qualified to care for the home and would do so as his primary or part-time residence. But silly minded woman who doesn’t think he’s going to want his dimes and time back should the day come. It doesn’t matter. His portion comes out of her portion, not yours.

so basically it seems painting and the shower is about as far as i can get in the daydream of the NoDa townhouse. “daddy always had a yard,” strikes me through to the heart.

it’s been hard lately to keep my head any where near “up”.

you of all people know how very little other people know of my life. where one knows one bit, another another, there isn’t anyone who knows how it all adds up.

but i don’t need them to know.

i’m just expressing something to you which is limited to your observation—i have a ‘give up’ but its not like others. its when i give myself over. its something of the moment when you realize you’ve been fighting as if this is your fight.

this isn’t my fight.

i’m letting go. my heart is a bit numb. but it’ll come to life again.

i don’t know what ‘life’ is but waiting for the resurrection. in general, i find it boring.

in general, i find my life suffocating.

i’m not allowed to speak the truth, nor write it freely.

i’m working on changing that. if melissa can publish an award winning paper about her stepmother being an apostate, why can’t her step-mother write about the hypocrisy of the religion which would label me an apostate? the consequences of the writing is the same—on either side, we stand only to be disfellowshipped. ironically, only one of those DF’ings would be based on biblical principles. but isn’t that what she’s inspired me to do? or what it’s egging me towards? why should she have her freedom, and i not claim mine?

life was hard last fall as you ignored me and my mother. i was stuck protecting you from her—i never would have spoken to her about permanent birth control, nor would i imagine that the thought would ever enter her mind. so i was left with the ludicrous mother who hammers me for my birth control choices. she cut off her relationship with me until i remove the copper iud. could we stop pretending it isn’t your fault?

irony. i get reinstated so i can have my family back, but instead get married and lose her to the stupid copper IUD.

it sucks to be stuck. i hate the racing feeling. like electricity just coursing through my body most of the time. i feel amped and wired the majority of the time. i can’t recall when i’ve felt like i last could “come down”. it’s a feeling of tingliness like anxiety. tightness across my chest. i hate the irritability the most. the erratic mood swings. it’s like suffering everything i’ve heard about PMS and being a woman all at once. except that it was stored up for me for now.

its a constant heart break. each day not praying about it because what is that but to pray your husband has mercy on you and decides to take action instead of procrastinating? so i don’t pray about it. i tried to pretend it doesn’t matter. i try to smile when the hair starts falling out, i try to not mention the way the strings look flopping in the wind where my hair should be.

i don’t talk about how it hurts to prevent the very child you now secretly want. i mean, if you don’t want me, and you’re so wrapped up in your kids you won’t realize you don’t have a marriage, then maybe i could have a baby? no? a cat? no?

when did you become the guy who got to say no?

paul said that he advised women—

An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world–how she can please her husband.

i’m still very much concerned with the “Lord’s affairs”, but i can’t say i have much left for being concerned with pleasing my husband. my husband thinks so little of me, and he makes me think so little of myself, i think it’s best i concentrate my efforts elsewhere.

so you’re not going to see a beautiful wife any time soon, unless it’s God’s gift. i will continue to fail to see myself in the mirror, but to be far to critical of my self introspectively.

i give up. or rather, i gave up. sure it’ll take me a while to get into action, to repair and recover my routines and things that make me, me. but at least i made the choice.

i’m putting myself in god’s hands. i’m in no hurry.

the other day it became simple to me. i don’t have any worries. i don’t need much.

there’s no reason I shouldn’t be happy.

i’ll try to continue to show love to your mother as i have.

it was ronnie who asked heather who asked me why you and your son weren’t carrying for your mother.

i don’t generally think of things like that. i saw your mom and saw a widow. it didn’t occur to me to look around for someone else to take care of her, why should I?

perhaps you realize i have a good clue now about your first marriage. you can’t kill the habits and i learned a lot about what you hid from me about your temper from your kids.

i have no desire to repeat your first marriage, nor my own. i’d much prefer to just be friends than to bear fighting.

now, you’ve been pretty brutal about how you find me to be mentally broken in some manner, and boring. So i’ll be brutally honest. Your depression is the worst suffocating thing I have encountered. You’re boring. You are all talk and no action. You put nothing of substance in your head. You talk about Ultimate, but you don’t play. Hey, I know the gig. I used to talk about running and not run. I realized it was stupid. I had picked up the habit from others. What stupidity. There are people who talk, and there are people who do. Those who do steer clear of the others. They’re obstacles, speed bumps, things in the rear view mirror, if you remember to glance back.

Man, to think of all i’d have accomplished with the day dream you. look at how much we did when i just forced you into a road trip on a whim. on a whim. and look at what it did. (do you even feel anything about what you helped accomplish?)

we’re on thin ice, but there’s no breaking the ice.

you have a mother you’d like to fuck, and Roma you never did, and a Heidi who you look at the way I wish you’d look at me.

please consider stepping back. i don’t know if i need to start wearing clothes around more often so you stop acting like i’m here to be touched at every opportunity. did it ever occur to you to NOT cat call me every FUCKING TIME you see me? it’s like having my own sexual harassment squad built in while i’m trying to tell myself i’m more than Tn’A while my husband points out that I’m Tn’A and not much more. I mean honestly. I’m suffering so bad here and I can’t figure out how to make it stop.

then there’s the slave thing. get a life. stop making me breakfast. it would have been nice but we’re stuck in some sort of a weird relationship where i feel like i’m just stuck in a routine with you that we have to follow because it’s the best shot at passing time forward safely until there’s again a safe space.

so that’s why i’m on edge. there’s not a job in my future if i can help it. i want to truly heal. i want to believe things like that i am loved for my mind, and appreciated for what i contribute. i’d love to be valued specifically for my contributions, and to be able to have my contributions acknowledged so i can feel appreciated. that didn’t happen. i got a job, started paying the bills, and you stopped contributing. you basically moved from house keeper and cook to who knows what and driver.

eight hours plus a day i used to work, while you would make excuses about not having the ability to make time to read the bible through. I read the bible through again cover-to-cover without you.

you see, you can pretend all you want, but i can’t. i really can’t.

i spent a year trying it the Glass way. pretending and such, but i’m not capable. i have always been fond of the truth.

someone once told me that the truth will set you free.

truthful.

start with your budget for your bills. then let me know how much I need to contribute to our household.

you know some of my daydreams, and if you want to mock them as being boring, then i’ll remind you that i scaled back my dreams significantly. i used to dream of inspiring people. now i just want a colorful home to hide in for the winter. my dreams are reduced to stupid impossible to accomplish to do lists.

My recent dreams—

see the dishwasher removed from the back porch
see the microwave removed from the bathroom
see all the chemicals properly disposed of so i can have room
see how long it takes him to install the shower curtain
move the bathroom storage mess behind the shower curtain when Darryl finally installs it unless i decide to do it myself because i always did it myself before and who cares how bad my job doing it is, no one ever complained before, and at least i will actually do it—but i find it disrespectful to my husband so instead i stew and stew and stew and wonder if he knows how he just racks up points left and right for being useful for … hmmm… what are you useful for?
see i get off topic don’t i?

Lets just say I am now praying for a woman best friend. Someone who is the kind of woman I met in San Diego and adored. She’s like my momma when I was younger—momma went down and rented a table saw, and she and her friend put up crown moulding and trim through out her home. My mom of course was just being the enabler who made it happen. She’s the kind who has a beat up rusty old tiny truck which we can put a ladder in the back. She happens to actually have one I can borrow, so we can get started already—the $200 I needed for a ladder to reach my dreams now saved for colors. We laugh and joke the whole time painting—kind of like I used to do with my girlfriends in the past. Thinking of Julie now. It takes a couple of days. The bedroom was the first we tackled knowing it was sort of easy and hard at the same time. The ceiling never was touched, as I always knew it was more the kind of thing that rich people can make happen, but is just a touch too little impact for a tad too much effort for my type. She’s not as wild out of her mind as my death wish bestie Tobey. So I finally have someone to go do stuff with.

Alison is promising, but Alison has also just found the ‘right’ drug for her depression and social anxiety disorder, so while you think she’s another perfect blonde who isn’t a mother you’d like to fuck all the same, since we now know and will never forget that you’re that kind of guy, whether you ever have the stupidity to humiliate your wife in front of your son again we’ll never forget… she’s not.

What I really want now is stupid stuff. I want to be able to hire someone to do the painting for me and do it right with the right colors. So I can start living instead of hating the place I live.

It occurred to me when I see you day in and day out wear the same clothes, that I was the same. But your clothes take up the entire master bedroom closet and then come into my own. Then I also have your ex-wife’s photos in my closet. I have your daughter’s memories. I never really want to say anything— I’ve kind of thought you’d retort that, well, the whole house is my stuff.

I wonder if you know that I’m not in love with my “stuff”. You are obviously failing to look through my lenses when you say some stuff—like why you would look around the place and comment on my books? Seriously, of all my possessions, what do you think is least likely to be done away with? What is most of who I am? Am I not but books, and boxes of memories? I awaited three things to arrive, books, boxes of memories, and wine. I got the two out of three I needed.

So I’m not sure who you think I am, but besides being partial to my actual high end furniture (my Baronet bedroom set) I don’t care about replacing everything else. But you can’t start decorating by getting rid of my books.

Meanwhile, I think back to when you first mentioned it a few weeks ago, and wonder, what do you think now as compared to then? Do you realize that it’s good that I am the way that I am? That I don’t go decorating like your ex-wife?

I don’t know, I just got to the end of my ability to pretend.

To pretend that 8 hours a day isn’t 8 hours a day.

You started throwing it at me that I said you couldn’t work. You make such leaps. It’s not really about you working, it’s about you being interesting, productive, useful. Christian.

What did you do, day over day, for every hour I worked? What did I accomplish, and how do you feel about what you accomplished?

I mean seriously, the house work is cheap work. It’s cheaper for you to go get a job and pay a full time housekeeper the minimum wage.

Speaking of, at minimum wage, you or your daughter needs to work 21.55 hours a week just to have her car.

Your son is a business major about to graduate.

You stood before me yesterday telling me how you don’t have any idea how much money you’re going to make.

You told me you have an account, but that you don’t even know how much you owe in estimated tax. i realized that i was doing it again. playing stupid so you don’t feel stupid.

so yesterday i didn’t say, um, there are estimated taxes calculators, and dates when it is due, and methods for all of this.

in my mind i registered again a loss of respect. either you think i’m stupid enough not to know business, either you’re stupid enough not to know and to ignore that i do, or you are just going along with my playing stupid which is just stupid because i’m not stupid and i have very little patience for playing stupid. i usually just end up exclaiming “this is stupid”.

so i don’t know, you’re a bag of excuses, and not much to show.

we keep having this same conversation.

oh and it wasn’t cool. the way you brought up my getting a job in front of your girls. you said something about me getting a high paying job. then it escalated to california. your poor kids. what must they think?!

the good new is that i’m pretty sure melissa is getting a better idea of how there is no such thing as the way it used to be. she needs to be able to take care of herself, and expect that her husband will need others to help him pretend that he’s taking care of himself.

i’m sorry i was mean to you yesterday. i was stunned and i couldn’t get past you turning on me while i was stunned. man, if you’d just given me a moment to process, i would have gotten there. but you kicked into gear before i could…

so it’s simple, this was a long email to say i was silly. paying for everything has given you a strange daydream world where you’re daddy warbucks and gianna is princess gigi, and you’re buying expensive things and such.

whatever. when you wake up, give me a call.

meanwhile, just expect i’ll be doing myself to stay out of your way, and to work towards being truly and deeply interested in you again.

for now, please act more like it’s not a given that you can do or say anything to me as your possession.

and for fuck’s sake. keep your hands off me. perhaps you should try reading cues a bit better. or at least just don’t touch me unless it’s romantic. and grabbing me when i’m bent over to pull my hips into yours to ‘bang me’ doesn’t make me feel like anything but hatred.

if you can’t look me in my eyes and make me believe you love me, then don’t even fathom sleeping with me.

i deserve better.

one day i have to give in. one day i will have to find someone to start talking to.

i always thought i’d have a marriage which wouldn’t require that friendship to be outside the marriage.

but the days are worn thin.

i mean if i did talk to a neutral third party, wouldn’t they say this last year as opposed to your perspective of it, is crazy? not mine?

maybe i wouldn’t hate you so much. or maybe i’d just turn into every other woman i’d ever steered clear of who just complains about her husband.

yeah, i want a friend for one reason only—to complain about you. to have someone to talk to about this.

it’s pretty much as miserable as i can imagine being.

what will it take to swallow my pride—my right to privacy—to become vulnerable and stop bearing it all alone?

I don’t know. i never have.

maybe the only cost of this marriage is my misery, and your stupidity for thinking you could marry me and have me.

I’m so sorry. I really am so sad. I’m fighting back tears. I mean I didn’t know you were such a loser. I mean kicked while you’re down, down and out, loser. The kind of guy who puts others down so they can feel better about themselves. The embarrassing scene yesterday. You trying desperately to cooly drape your arm over your girl. You insulted the woman by your comment—“not you,” you corrected—“I meant her,” referring to me. I raised my eyes the barest bit to smirk at her. You spoke of shame yesterday as if I don’t know it. I know it. It’s shameful to be shamed by your husband who doesn’t even realize that she knew it was you, not I, who should be ashamed.

no one said life was easy, nor did anyone say the girl worth having was supposed to be easy.

but could you at least pretend to try?

before you existed I ate cheerios and had no shame. i spent countless nights poring over volumes of scripture eating steamed vegetables with feta for dinner. you turn your nose up at my simplicity, but i cared for myself. i don’t need you to act like somehow you’re doing me a favor taking care of me as if i can’t.

i don’t need you.

i just wanted you.

is there a you somewhere in there?

i wanted to do stuff with you. i really did. i really do.

i am trying to not cry. i can’t do anything about it now.

the wedding is over. i missed the day. octoberfest will soon fade, and annually i’ll probably recall the friends who saw mine, but i didn’t get to see theirs.

i’ll keep hoping that my life as i know it isn’t simply over, and now some sort of fight to maintain some sense of myself in this land of make believe where we pretend that you and i exist in any meaningful form after you’re done setting all the proper boundaries up — you know, space to spoil your children, or whatever.

i once thought you might marvel at the ability to invite your children into your home. but you don’t have a home.

yes, reality brought us to the fact that you live where i live because simply, we are married.

you seemed to be shocked that i could be so honest. and here i am baring more honesty hoping that unlike at revolution, you won’t just consider this an emotional outburst and brush it aside as some sort of a tantrum as you did that night.

or maybe you will.

but you know? i forgot. my life isn’t yours. there is no guarantee that you belong to me. you make no move to ensure it is so.

so i have a freedom i am determined not to lose.

and should i ever find myself unmarried again, you can bet i’m not giving it up for any man again. and no, sorry honey, that’s not a romantic gesture for you. it’s reality. i was wrong. i gave up christ as my head for you instead.

anyway, i don’t know what recovery looks like, but i started reading and remembering and realizing that i used to be blissful and unencumbered by others trivial problems. I used to live each day believing that each day has enough worries (if you could find them) for itself. i used to not worry about what i would eat, or drink, not because some guy thought it was his duty to ensure i didn’t fall off the deep end due to some caloric intake protocol which makes him feel in charge of the drama he’s trumped up to be important and in charge of… no, i used to live alone. happy, and spending my days happily in prayer in my mind. music blocking out the sounds of the evil world—”fuck bitch, I don’t care! fuck bitch, I told you I don’t care”—lyrics you claimed you didn’t hear… out of my space and time.

i put the head phones down to let you in. i heard a lot of “no’s”. I heard a lot of blame. I heard a lot of bad words I hadn’t heard in a long time. I heard a lot of mean observations.

i’m quite sad. but i never lose hope. it’s part of the me that you don’t know, probably never cared to actually read about.

so it’s up to you. i don’t claim to be some great thing. i’m not sarah, no daddy to call me his princess—my dad called me a selfish ungrateful brat, and it’s little wonder under his tutelage that I didn’t end up being your bitch, huh?

but i do know this. when you insult me, i can recall that 2 years ago you didn’t matter. your opinion was irrelevant.

and now where your opinion should matter, it doesn’t does it?

i mean, is it good to know that you think I’m a bitch?

the cruelest thing i think of all, is for a moment, i actually felt appreciated by you. you were the first person who ever actually knew enough of my life experience to know what it meant to be appreciated for my intelligence. usually my intelligence is used as something to punish me with. and this time was no different. your appreciation last mere moments it seemed.

since i’ve been married to you, i’ve gone from thinking that i could be one of the members of the bride of christ — one of the 144,000 — to realizing that I have an uncomfortable conversation to now have with my God.

What exactly does he want me to do with you? How does this burden become a joy?

for now, i’m going to do my best not to think longingly of men who are vulnerable and men who cry.

strange world i live in now. these vaguely disengaged day dreams.

can’t hope for a friend when her only purpose it to be female so i can have her as a friend and so that i can escape you.

i just hope you wake up my friend.

angela marié niblick-baxley glass ? human experience design

WATER retention rates — RE-legions

Come Out of Her My People

The “De-Churching” of America

The number of Americans claiming no religious affiliation has quadrupled since 1990. Yet what religion had the lowest retention rate of any? Perhaps shockingly the Atheist “retention rate” was the lowest among the 20 separate categories in the study.

Still, in 2005 only 17 percent of Americans attended a religious service Sunday morning.

According to a study by Georgetown University’s Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate (CARA), “those who grow up in an atheist household are least likely to maintain their beliefs about religion as adults.”

"those who grow up in an atheist household are least likely to maintain their beliefs about religion as adults."
Only about 30 percent of those who grow up atheist remain atheists as adults.
  1. There were 1,387 atheists (weighted) in the survey.
  2. 432 weighted respondents said they were raised atheist.
    • Of those, 131 self-identified as atheist.

“What these findings reflect is that in the U.S. atheists are for the most part ‘made’ as adults after being raised in another faith. It appears to be much more challenging to raise one’s child as an atheist and have them maintain this identity in their life,” Dr. Mark Gray wrote at CARA’s blog.

Gray also noted that, “of those raised as atheists, 30% are now affiliated with a Protestant de-nom-i-na-tion:

{ sounds like
o-bah-ma nation
or “digg na-tion
> iCare vs. O… }

  • 10% are Catholic,
  • 2% are Jewish,
  • 1% are Mormon, and
  • 1% are Pagan.”

Jehovah’s Witnesses have the next lowest retention rate at 37 percent.

>> Jehovah’s Witnesses
{ sponsored by
The Watchtower
Corporation }
have the lowest
retention rate

of any religious tradition.

{ Editor's note : the atheist religion does not self-identify as a religious tradition or institution, at least not until the advent of the Flying Spaghetti Monster } ...

Only 37% of all those who say they were raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses still identify themselves as Jehovah’s Witnesses.

The earliest Watchtower magazines feature artwork with imagery similar to the Darwin pin above. FSM = Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The earliest Watchtower magazines feature artwork with imagery similar to the Darwin pin above. FSM = Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The study used the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life's 2008 U.S. Religious Landscape Survey.

Thirty-eight percent of those who grew up with no particular religious faith or belief system remained that way.

{ /chill up parents spine here }
Please Note: Pew's original report did not include some of the retention rates. Pew provided CARA with the original data sets for the study.
Keep Calm, and Carry On. Roma was already my home.
Keep Calm, and Carry On. Roma was already my home.
angela-marié-niblick-matthew-raymond-niblick-art-paradise

Watchtower Changing Doctrine

The Watchtower (2007) — Loyal to Christ and His Faithful Slave — w07 4/1 pp. 21-25
Jesus stated: “Who really is the faithful and discreet slave whom his master appointed over his domestics, to give them their food at the proper time? Happy is that slave if his master on arriving finds him doing so. Truly I say to you, He will appoint him over all his belongings.” (Matthew 24:3, 45-47) “On arriving” to inspect the “slave” in 1918, Christ found a spirit-anointed remnant of faithful disciples who since 1879 had been using this journal and other Bible-based publications to provide spiritual “food at the proper time.” He acknowledged them as his collective instrument, or “slave,” and in 1919 entrusted them with the management of all his earthly belongings.

Watchtower, Faithful and Discreet Slave

Matt 24:29,34,36,42,44 — Insert Chapter, bold verses highlighted.

When Does Jesus Appoint the Slave “Over All His Belongings”?

Jesus said that the “master on arriving” (literally, “having come”) will appoint the slave “over all his belongings.” When does the Master, Jesus, arrive?

The expression translated “on arriving” is a form of the Greek word er?kho·mai. Verses 42 and 44 of chapter 24 translate a form of er?kho·mai as “coming.” In those verses, Jesus is referring to his coming as Judge during the great tribulation.—Matthew 24:30; 25:31, 32.

Jesus’ appointment of the “slave” over his “belongings,” then, must also be a future event. He will make that appointment during the great tribulation.

Angela’s Response

While for my entire lifetime they claimed to have been appointed over me as a belonging, they have now amended that statement to only claim that they have been appointed to feed. This point was the first that I sought to discuss with you guys, and you find it some how enlightening and comforting that after I raised it they corrected the belief. Yet, months before I stood accused by my mother as culpability in turning apostate for addressing what I already knew couldn’t be, based on what I’d read in the scriptures. I don’t yet know if you guys get this—but they are not appointed over us, they have no authority. Even by their own admission, they are only to feed. Since October 2012, I should now be, in good conscience, respected for deciding not to eat.
They have no authority—being appointed to feed doesn’t mean being appointed over ‘belongings’
You don’t have to eat what is provided—a vegetarian doesn’t eat meat simply because it’s served; mom won’t eat tons of stuff
Their food has not been approved of—it’s only on approval that they are appointed over belongings, thus since I’ve felt malnourished or hungry for most my life, as what they had to teach I was taught as a child, I’ve decided to find something else to eat. As I’ve said before, I’m sticking to bread, water and wine. The Word of God (in flesh and print) is the bread, the water he offers makes one not thirsty (I imagine it is the holy spirit he said he’d send to me), and the wine is keeping him in memory.
I don’t know how they can make something so complicated. Let’s say I shipped presents home ahead of my arriving a few weeks ago. I asked momma to keep them and for everyone to wait to open them when I arrive. Mackenzie and Hailey and Hannah, excited can’t wait to see, and ask do they really have to wait until I arrive? When will I be coming??? Will I be coming soon? I promise, and you assure them, I’ll be coming soon. I tell them they won’t have to wait long at all—on arriving—we can open them, they can open them soon, as soon as I come! I’m sure you have no problem understanding this story, and if you do, we’ll reenact it. I’ll ship presents, and instead of them having to wait until I arrive, they can open them as soon as the presents are present, as soon as the presents arrive. I’ll call you guys to tell you they are coming, so you can be in expectation. This isn’t hard. They are coming, when they arrive,…
The Watchtower explains that Matt 24:29,34,36,42,44 are “to be fulfilled during Christ’s presence, “the conclusion of the system of things.”” then comes to the conclusion, “Logically, then, “the faithful and discreet slave” must have appeared after Christ’s presence began in 1914.”
The Watchtower (2013) — 
When does the “great tribulation” begin? When does Jesus judge “the sheep” and “the goats”? When does Jesus ‘arrive,’ or come?

For a number of years, we thought that the great tribulation began in 1914 with World War I and that “those days were cut short” by Jehovah in 1918 when the war ended so that the remnant would have the opportunity to preach the good news to all nations. (Matt. 24:21, 22) After the completion of that preaching work, Satan’s empire would be destroyed. Thus, the great tribulation was thought to have three phases: There would be a beginning (1914-1918), the tribulation would be interrupted  (from 1918 onward), and it would conclude at Armageddon.

New Light

Jesus’ prophecy about the last days has two fulfillments. (Matt. 24:4-22) There was an initial fulfillment in Judea in the first century C.E., and there would be a worldwide fulfillment in our day.
When does Jesus make the second appointment, that is, the appointment “over all his belongings”? Jesus said: “Happy is that slave if his master on arriving [literally, “having come,” footnote] finds him doing so. Truly I say to you, He will appoint him over all his belongings.” (Matthew 24:46, 47) Note that Jesus makes the second appointment after he arrives and finds that the slave has been “doing so,” that is, faithfully giving out spiritual food. So there would be a period of time between the two appointments. To understand how and when Jesus appoints the slave over all his belongings, we need to know two things: when he arrives and what his belongings include.

16 When does Jesus arrive? The answer is found in earlier verses of Matthew chapter 24. Remember that in these verses, Jesus’ “coming” refers to when he comes to judge and destroy the wicked at the end of this system of things.* (See endnote.) (Matthew 24:30, 42, 44) So Jesus’ “arriving,” or “coming,” in the illustration of the faithful slave happens during the great tribulation. What do “all” of Jesus’ belongings include? Jesus’ belongings are not only on earth. His belongings include things in heaven. Jesus once said: “All authority has been given me in heaven and on the earth.” (Matthew 28:18; Ephesians 1:20-23) His belongings now include the Messianic Kingdom. This Kingdom has belonged to him since 1914, and he will share it with his anointed followers.—Revelation 11:15.

18 So, what can we conclude? When Jesus comes to destroy the wicked during the great tribulation, he will find that the faithful slave has been loyally giving out spiritual food at the right time to the domestics. Jesus will then be happy to appoint that slave over all his belongings. Those who make up the faithful slave will get this appointment when they receive their reward in heaven and become rulers along with Christ.

artificially intelligent, naturally beautiful, divinely designed, connected + just crazy enough.