Waiting…

“Sometime” Sunday, “probably” after the meeting.

I’m waiting still. Last night I think they were going to meet with me, but yet again didn’t have it together. Gerald has such an expressive face. I wonder why he winces whenever I come up to him though… Is it guilt, or irritation?

Last night I was wondering – if the new system came today – would I be okay, or would I be screwed because they haven’t talked with me yet?

As much as I’ve been trying to remain blase, for lack of a better term, I still really want to get back in now – and feel like I should. It’s going to kill me if they decide otherwise. And if the next letter takes another three month wait before they decide to get around to talking to me.

What really tough though is trying not to feel resentful about the extended wait. I’m sure that will especially be the case if they decide I’m still “not ready”. It’s almost as if all this time waiting is like they “owe it” to me. And that’s not what this is supposed to be about, and I’m pretty sure that this isn’t the way it’s supposed to work.

Oh well.

So this weekend I’m laying out again with Margo, Curt and maybe Trevor. Then lunch and then Sara might join us. Then comes “sometime” Sunday, “probably” after the meeting.

Do you think it’s right that they never give definites? I had to ask what time just to get the “probably”. Three months of sometime, soon, and probably’s.

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