Nibbles

I just can’t seem to get out of this phase of being down. I’m sad, as well I should be I think. Leaving work today a hazy thought when through my head “I walk alone”. I was fairly certain it was a song, and I found out I’m right.

That’s how it feels. I’m walking alone. I want so much to have someone to share my life with me. It’s freezing in here. Ah, I just checked the thermostat already knowing what I’d find. Anytime Curt comes over he drops the temp several degrees.

I wish I could have it all, and I want it right now. And I feel guilty for saying so because I feel like I’m not being appreciative for what I do have.

What do I have? I have the most wonderful boyfriend. He is thoughtful and considerate. He’s independant and yet needs me. He’s smart, funny, and outgoing. He’s someone that other people look to for help, he is a leader. He loves music, loves to dance. He loves me.

What don’t I have, what makes it all so perfectly imperfect? I want to share my life with him. That means wanting him to be with me at the meetings, and share with me in my dedication to Jehovah. I want him to go with me in field service, and I want us to raise our children together as Jehovah’s Witnesses (until, of course, they get to an age to make their own choices). I want a perfectly peaceful, and content life. I don’t want resentment, contentions, or tension. I just want to be happy, and serve Jehovah with my husband.

Will I ever get that? I doubt it. My love is fiercely protective of his independence. He can’t imagine giving up time in his life to routinely go to the meetings. He doesn’t see the same benefits from them as I.

Gotta run, my mommy’s on the phone.

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