Nibbles

Guilt sets in. I wonder if it has for him too, now that I know he feels it too. I don’t know what to do. Time together is so perfect. So peaceful, calm, content. So what I want to enjoy for the rest of my life. But then we land here. The aftermath. The guilt.

It takes away the light heartedness from the day. It takes away my ability to dance along, to smile without restraint, to be happy. I try to override the thoughts and the feeling with filler. Thinking about getting a job, plans for doing that, what I’m going to wear. What I need to do… But it doesn’t mask it. My heart sits as lead in my chest as a reminder.

What do we do? When I think about it, how perfect it all was – I think that we should just be together then, do the one thing that makes it all better – And how is it I always briefly forget that that’s not an answer? That for him it’s not even an option. Then someone who’s a dreamer would just say – then stop. But we know that’s not going to happen.

It makes me want to run. I want to run from the guilt. I want to run from the confusion, complication and remorse. I want to run so that I can be happy again. Unencumbered. Released, and free.

To repair my heart, to be able to love without guilt.

But when I run, I have to leave the very love that makes life worth living behind.

Tell me, what do we do?

Standard

The Fear, Travis

All I wanted was the chance to say
I would like to see you in the morning
Rolling over just to have you there
Would make it easy for a little bit longer
But here
Closer every year
So near
The fear is coming clear
My dear
The fear is here
Hottest summer in a hundred years
But summer didn’t bother
getting up this morning
And so all the trees forgot to wake
They were dropping all their leaves
on the ground below them
But here
Closer every year
So near
The fear is coming clear
My dear
The fear is here
All I wanted was the chance to say
I would like to see you in the morning
Rolling over just to have you there
Would make it easy for a little bit longer
Make it easy for a little bit longer
Make it easy for a little bit longer

Standard

Dear Diary, Travis

dear diary
what is wrong with me
cos i’m fine between the lines
be not afraid
help is on its way
a sentence suspended in air way over there
dear diary
what else could it be
as nightshade descends like a veil under the sail of my heart
be still don’t stop until the end
dear diary
what is wong with me
cos i’m fine between the lines

Standard