Isn’t it interesting that right when you wish people would come closer, they step away. But I’m done trying to be so involved. Its an emotional burden that isn’t nessacary to carry.
I did two out of four interviews for a job with Bank of America’s eCommerce Marketing team for a position as an Interaction Designer… both went very well. While normally I would relay all the information to my friend and sort through it with a meeting of the minds, tonight I resort to drinking with the Social Club of Charlotte, namely Margo. Tonight I’ll tell Josh about the interviews, suffer the burden of choice and then quietly feel alone.
I can’t help but feel a little neglected, or perhaps bitten. I offer loyalty to find myself being juggled. At least I find that I shouldn’t feel any guilt when things happen to move that direction for me… a minor condolence.
I find my reaction to all this is to go to Texas and hang out and have a blast because it looks like things are being orchastrated for me to still be stuck here. Meanwhile, I tossed aside my immediate plans to do so so that I could be available to mend and rebuild my friendship here, only to learn that the same focus is placed on someone else.
Can I really expect to be anything less than slightly bitter at the fact that I’m left alone while this friendship blossoms when I can’t in turn do the same for myself. And secondly, that I am specifically here as opposed to in Texas so that I can make myself available just to learn that you have plans?
Yeah, I know that you don’t like it when I say that, but that’s all I can think. All I can muster up.
Tonight I’ll have a drink or two or more, and then find my way home. And if I choose to call you, I’ll expect new rules. I’ll expect that you should be happy to hear from me, drunk and happy… the same as you were with her.
Meanwhile, I hope Josh is home, I really want to talk to someone about all this, and second best will have to settle for now.