apology

I behaved so badly last night. If you asked me why, I’d be hard pressed to come up with an answer. I was so angry. I don’t think I’ve ever been filled with so much anger before. I actually closed my eyes and just gave up trying to hold it together when they started singing “I don’t need you anymore”. Two tears crawled down my face, and I was happy to be standing behind everyone else as I opened my eyes to wipe them away.

If you asked my why I’m so angry, I couldn’t tell you why. I have no idea. Last night I had a few moments of tussle time. I would give anything to have a cushy floor, a worthy opponent and just start wrestling. I would fight until I had no more energy left to struggle.

On the other hand, what I wouldn’t give to import one of my friends to just hold me tight and tell me everything is going to be okay.

What’s terrible is, I don’t even know what it is I struggle against. I don’t know what I’m fighting, I don’t know what I need reassurance for.

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