You might be a Jehovah’s Witness if…

  • If “pioneer” is not a stereo, “new light” is not something in the hardware department, and “tract” has nothing to do with land or farming.
  • If you know when Nisan 14 of the Jewish calendar lands in the Gregorian calendar from year to year, and yet you commonly forget your own birthday.
  • If “Memorial Day” isn’t in May.
  • If you spent days at a baseball stadium, never saw a ball, and didn’t even have a beer.
  • If you think “formal clothing” and “civic center” belong in the same sentence.
  • If you wash windows or cars for a living and still own five suits.
  • If you think nothing of letting your friends stop by to use the bathroom.
  • If you know the cleanliness of every coffee shop for four towns around.
  • If you think 2-door vehicles aren’t really cars.
  • If you go to Home Depot and go down the aisle where doors are displayed and you feel compelled to knock on them.
  • If you can’t buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how comfortable they will need to be while walking residential streets in 95-degree heat.
  • If you have a tendency to refer to books by color instead of by title.
  • If you have a shelf just for 192-page books.
  • If you can’t pick up a book, or anything else to read, without picking up a pencil or highlighter too.
  • If you think it is complimentary to refer to someone as “a study”.
  • If you have “get-togethers” rather than “parties.”
  • If, after one of such “get-together” at your home, your house is not a mess and you have more food than when you started.
  • If you realize things are getting worse, and you’re thrilled!

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