lying to himself

i think it’s just in his nature not to be honest. i don’t take it personally anymore, but i suppose it’s also something that keeps me from trusting his words. it’s not malicious, i think its second nature and well intentioned, but that doesn’t keep me from feeling like i can’t trust things he says or feels…

wilco: he said he hadn’t thought of wilco or what not when he called… but he immediately charlie needed a ticket.

commitment: he said about a week ago that he “had made that choice… i chose when you were in italy” and then i realized that would have been his motivation for buying me the necklace. isn’t that choice, the choice to choose me, the definition of commitment? (he thought i was crazy when i said i didn’t know that he had committed to me… that he’s never chosen me… but evidentally i was right… though that isn’t to diminish the commitment he’d made to our relationship, he’d only committed to me just a few weeks ago.)

i don’t feel like pointing these things out would help much, but i’d prefer to start chronicling things i think to help me learn how to maneuver through our relationship better. to better understand him and the complicated way he thinks and doesn’t.


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