Nibbles

sleeping with the enemy

it’s funny how when you’re in the groggy state of sleep that you’re trying to shake off that it seems things get shaken around a bit in your head and pieces fall together to form interesting thoughts… sometimes they’re odd images of nonsense, and sometimes it’s shocking what you come up with.

since the wilco show sami and keller have been doing wall-to-wall flirting which shows up on my news feed. i haven’t had time to figure out how to filter some of this stuff away. i also know that tim sneath has a green card and jeff sandquist is going to fry’s. i guess that is why sami was in my mind. and then i thought about keller knowing and him not knowing that sami doesn’t know…

then i realized wait a minute.

he slept with her best friend.
sami == justin

but while justin claims it didn’t happen or doesn’t remember (therefore it wasn’t intentional) and i don’t know what the fuck happened and how…

they did it knowing, intentionally and on going.

funny how i forget the worst things about brian growing up. i remember the incident with the lawsuit in school (which wasn’t a him thing) but i forget that in the grand scheme of things he’d better drop it.

just to make sure i’m not still groggy and missing something, i’m going to go through this to be sure.

hannah and he were broken up.
so where we
but was it different?
no, she loved him and thought they were just broken up for distance sake

  • proof points: brian flew her out to Seattle at least once on his dime. he hid me from her long after we’d been seeing each other. he knew better than to bring sami anyway around, but not enough about women’s intuition than to hide the flowers.

they still hooked up after and during this going on, he was sleeping with her and her best friend
differences: brian did it knowingly, ongoing, and would never have told her. be based not telling her on his perspective of the relationship knowing that wasn’t the shared truth.

when this first happened, he said something about telling hannah because she would probably enjoy it. he’s right. in her eyes justice was served.

i have no heart to make conclusions. i’m just happy to know that justin claims it didn’t happen or has absolutely no memory of it. and i’m not much better. but we were broken up, he broke up with me, and it didn’t happen like brian did with sami. i’m not like that. i may not be redeemed, but i’m certainly not worse than him.

and i would never wish any of brian’s past doings on himself. i don’t think he’s strong enough to survive what he’s done to others. i would rather protect him and see him be a better person. that was the best statement he’s every made about me, that he’s a better person with me.

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