What Happened To Courtship and Pillow Talk? The Loss of Romantic Sexuality | Psychology Today

Today’s mass media sanctions and supports lust-driven sex oriented towards fantasy, arousal, and orgasm. My single daters constantly ask me on which date they should expect sex to happen, relying on their physical responses for successful sexual contact. Their goal is to make that single physical focus work first, and then worry about what kind of relationship may or may not evolve. Most know intuitively that adding love to the mix can only make it better in the long run, but they fear rejection if they try to commit too early.

The beauty of romantic intimacy can only happen when lovemaking includes all the ways in which partners experience each other. The multiple dimensions of spiritual connection, emotional bonding, intellectual fusion, and physical affection must all be present before the sexual experience is at its best.

Romantic sexuality asks its potential lovers to be in the process of continuous discovery of all the significant dimensions of a great relationship. If the magnetic intensity of physical attraction focus lovers into that single dimension too quickly, the others may be temporarily lost, or never realized. Couples who want to know sexual connection at its deepest level of fulfillment work together to make certain that they prolong each dimension until all are present…