Are You There God? It's Me, Gidget, Correspondence, Music, Religion

contact@aboyandhiskite.com

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Angela M. Baxley <abaxley@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Sep 13, 2013 at 5:10 PM
Subject: Re: Beautiful album, love the lyrics, and the website. Thank you!
To: A Boy and His Kite <contact@aboyandhiskite.com>
cc: darryl@smrtworld.com

Hi Dave!
Are you guys okay in Colorado??? 
I had you and Karla on my mind as I was listening to “Choir Of Young Believers” earlier.
I’d like to find out if you know of anyone who I can promote via our indie DIY (but working with really talented people including pro’s who volunteer) docu/reality show, SMRTr World.
Seeking music like yours and Karla’s which support the personality and character of the characters involved. 🙂
I have a friend who is a pro sound guy with a studio in his house. When we were kids we were both Jehovah’s Witnesses. He’s now atheist and I’m Christian and believe Jesus > Religion and worship in my home. My hope is that this project will strike someone like your album struck me.
Btw, if you could somehow be included in person, we are filming in Charlotte, NC in our home. I quit my job (was a designer at Apple) to get married, and moved to be near the kids. The guys play music and we’ll be putting together a band. We’re based in “NoDa” (a neighborhood concept which didn’t exist when I lived here growing up) “the historic arts district of Charlotte”. If you wanted to perform, I’m sure we could figure out getting you in around here?
I don’t know how to help, but before my “Apple cred” fizzles away I’d like to deliver something inspiring. If I do well, then I’ll find my next communication media project. I have a whole slew of them I would like to deliver, with only one interest in mind — the King and his Kingdom.
Let me know thoughts. I’m a successful newbie! 🙂
Agape,
Angela (and her beloved, Darryl)

 ? angela baxley

On Thu, Dec 6, 2012 at 5:55 PM, Angela Baxley <abaxley@gmail.com> wrote:

thanks for the music recommendations. i didn’t even know about that site “come and live”. very cool.

You’re still top of the list on Rdio for Heavy Rotation (based on my friends). Here’s the list of my pals who have your album on rotation. Again, stunning—all very influential in my world of designers on who tweet and love to rock. 🙂
On Nov 28, 2012, at 11:57 AM, A Boy and His Kite <contact@aboyandhiskite.com> wrote:
For sure! =) I have lots of atheist and spiritist friends in Boulder that have had their opinions and perspectives shaken up a bit knowing me and my faith in Jesus. I don’t exactly match their stereotypes. Like you I don’t really listen to much “Christian” music. I occasionally will turn the radio on to see what it’s sounding like and I’m sadly always disappointed. My little kids don’t even like it =)

Here are a few of my friends with a similar heart that I really enjoy listening to: Josh Garrels, Sleeping At Last, Andrew Belle, Son Lux, Matthew Perryman Jones, Karla Adolphe, Page CXVI and Loud Harp (my other band. you can download the record for free www.comeandlive.com).
Thanks again!
Dave
On Nov 28, 2012, at 12:04 PM, Angela M. Baxley wrote:

Wow, a really live email back! 🙂 Super cool!

 
Do you have recommendations on other artists with similar style minded lyrics and music? I don’t really like the stuff that is more typically labeled “Christian”. I can’t help but smile as I see your record, and Mumford & Sons top the “heavy rotation” on Rdio among my SF friends, who for the most part are both (a) atheists, and (b) incredibly influential to the culture of America. Apparently they don’t pay attention to the lyrics, but maybe it’ll get into their hearts all the same? 🙂
Agape,
Angela
@ang @baxley
On Wed, Nov 28, 2012 at 10:58 AM, A Boy and His Kite <contact@aboyandhiskite.com> wrote:

Hi Angela,

Thank you so much for your email! I’m sorry it took me awhile to get back to you.
I’m grateful that you are enjoying the music and also listened to the words. Also, a big thanks passing on those typos =) I just fixed them.
It’s fun to hear that my music struck a chord with where you’re at and what you’ve been thinking. That’s really exciting for me to hear! My songs are my experiences and stories of the goodness and love of God that I’ve received in my life. I don’t know how to sing about anything else =)
Thanks again for taking the time to write me. I appreciate it. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season!
Peace.
Dave Wilton – A Boy and His Kite
On Nov 26, 2012, at 9:08 PM, Angela M. Baxley wrote:

I’ve been looking for music that would fit what’s been on my mind lately, I put on your album (top of the new ones from the last week on Rdio) and jumped in the shower.

 
I came out to disbelief. Was I really hearing my ears correctly? 
I had silently asked for something that I would find upbuilding, spiritual, just not disappointing as my mind seems so much more aware of late…
 
Thank you!
 
I wanted to reach out also, because I believe there’s two typos in the lyrics—”to deep” should be “too”? And “burry” is written instead of “bury”?
 
I found the album by Mumford & Sons, Babel intriguing. Seems many are awakening. 
 
Angela from San Francisco
 
 
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Music

A Boy & His Kite

I was raised in the land of bible thumping, and I think something about that has made me averse to all things ostentatious—I can still recall the first time I ran into a “I ran into Tammy Faye at the Mall” t-shirt at the mall. Whoa.

So you’ll have to pardon me if I don’t share the joy of music which names drop “Jesus”. I’ve never gone near the genre labeled “Christian”.

There seems to be something funny going on, and I kind of like it.

I’m discovering more and more music at the top of the “Heavy Rotation” chart on Rdio—and the albums are all spiritually focused… you know, like scriptural based lyrics.

Stranger yet, though nearly everyone I know in my day-to-day life is atheist—my friends—these albums are on nearly constant rotation, according to the service. I can’t help but wonder… do they know what they’re listening to?

Last week I hit Rdio’s “New Releases” section when I got home, and made an offhand comment in my mind (sort of like a whimper of a prayer) that I would love love love to have something good to listen to.

There was A Boy & His Kite. Knew nothing about it, but the cover seemed tasteful, and so I put it on and went about a task in the other room.

The music was melodic and made perfect company for a glass of red wine… but suddenly I found returning to the room, standing before the speakers. I did a double take… was I hearing this right?!

Having forgotten whatever I had been doing I sat down on my couch, laptop on my lap, and read the lyrics, song-by-song as the album played.

What can I say? He heard my wimper of a prayer.

The next day the album was on the top of heavy rotation, and there is stays to this day.

Check out Dave Wilton of A Boy & His Kite.

Here are the lyrics that got to me… Continue reading

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Culture, Music

Simply, the classics.

Simply, the classics.

A leather binder, adorned with my Mickey Mouse pin that I’ve carried since the mid-90’s. The Charger’s a Los Angeles team brought to San Diego by Barron Hilton. My classic iPod, and the song that was playing, a hint… “It may be years until the day my dreams will match up with my pay”. Oh, and did you make note of the tiny patch of madras pattern? I did. 🙂

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Culture, Music

Mira Parfitt. I just love a woman on guitar rocking Rainbows.

(Taken with Instagram at Bird Rock Coffee Roasters)

One of the day dreams I’ve had is to help young artists find their audience. Mira Parfitt (@miraparfitt) was one of those people who inspired that in me.

Update January 21, 2013: Mira released New Plaid Shirt on Mira Parfitt, her own label.

The photo below was taken at my favorite San Diego Coffee shop, Bird Rock Coffee Roasters, and is nearly two years earlier.

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Music

Can’t Get You Out of My System

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I once looked at fellows as some sort of game
They were history before I could miss them
But you came along and it wasn’t the same
Now I can’t get you out of my system
I was breaking their hearts by the time I was six
Had so many I can’t even list them
Then you gave me something no doctor can fix
Now I can’t get you out of my system

You found a way to get under my skin
That sapped me of all my endurance
Now that little love-bug you planted within
Ain’t covered by no ‘mount of health insurance

My chart is a landscape of valleys and peaks
Defying all medical wisdom
I’m changing my blood every five or six weeks
But I can’t get you out of my system

Continue reading

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Music

Alive.

This year has been a tough one. I lost one of my best friends, and don’t know if we’ll ever mend. I watched people hurt each other intentionally, and I’ve gone through waves of emotion rendering me an idiot, or at least for that which I can recall. Oh, but I’m still alive.

Garden State

Andrew Largeman: Fuck, this hurts so much.

Sam: I know it hurts. That’s life. If nothing else, It’s life. It’s real, and sometimes it fuckin’ hurts, but it’s sort of all we have.

But you know, I’m not looking for consolation. Maybe a day or two to mourn my idiocy, grieve at its cost, and then get on with life. You know why? Because I’m alive. I’m living. Sometimes you bleed to know you’re alive.

The Doors

Jim: What turns you on?

Pam: I don’t know. Experience. Freedom. Love… Now. Peyote’s like love. When it’s given it’s blessed. When it’s sold it’s damned. I like peyote. I like acid, it’s easier to get. I like the spiritual voyage. The first time I did acid I saw God. I did. I had a friend who was Christ. And he was Judas too. I suddenly knew the secret of everything — that we’re all one, the universe is one. And that everything is beautiful.

Jim: Is it? I don’t know. I think you’re alive by confronting death — by experiencing pain.

Pam: I think you’re alive by recognizing beauty — seeing truth because when you discover truth you discover what love is… we’re all saying the same thing. It’s “love me and I’ll love you.”

Jim: It’s only through death that you know life. Jesus, medicine men heal people by sacrificing their own life.

Pam: Do you love death?

Jim: I think life hurts a lot more than death. When you die the pain is over.

I’m lead to The Doors Alive, She Cried. The name of the album is a line from When the Music’s Over (which isn’t even on the album)… “Can’t sell my subscription to the resurrection… I’ve got some friends inside. A feast of friends, alive, she cried… waiting for me, outside. … We’re gettin’ tired of hanging around…” There’s a few of you that know the undertone that these lyrics carry into the depths of my personal philosophy (sorry, the link won’t help… what you don’t know, you don’t know).

As one of the “walking dead”, the difference between life and death, living and being alive play just a prominent role in your psyche and authenticity becomes more precious than most anything you can imagine.

You Make Me Real, you make me feel, you make me throw away mistaken misery, make me free.” Lyrics whose fingers touch the most intimate spots, and then there’s the sultry blues… Can you imagine The Doors with Willie Dixon on Little Red Rooster?!

And for my momma who taught me about how the melody can move me, and made the thought that if I’m ever lonely I just have to go to the record store to visit my friends (my momma was a hippie)…

… Not only can I tell, I know who it is. It’s Darryl.

Daughter: It’s unfair that we can’t listen to our music!

Mother: That’s because it’s music about drugs and promiscuous sex.

Daughter: Simon and Garfunkel is poetry!

Mother: Yes it’s poetry. It’s poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex. Honey, they’re on pot.

Daughter: FECK YOU!

Mother: HEY!

Daughter: This is a house of lies!

Mother: Well there it is, your sister used the “F” word.

Little Brother: I think she said “feck.”

Mother: What’s the difference?

Little Brother: The letter “u.”

Momma, I’ll gladly trade the “f” word for my music. What’s the difference?

In my life, it’s you.

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Music

This Winter’s Night

The lamp is burnin’ low upon my table top
The snow is softly falling
The air is still within the silence of my room
I hear your voice softly calling
If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
Upon this winter night with you

The smoke is rising in the shadows overhead
My glass is almost empty
I read again between the lines upon each page
The words of love you sent me

If I could know within my heart
That you were lonely too
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
Upon this winter night with you

The fire is dying now, my lamp is growing dim
The shades of night are liftin’
The morning light steals across my windowpane
Where webs of snow are driftin’

If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
Upon this winter night with you
And to be once again with with you

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Music

Top 10 New Bands of 2010

Morgan's Top 10 of 2010Ever feel like you’re not quite cool ’cause your music collection is a little more than out-of-date?

Look no further than Morgan—her rockin’ Top Ten New Bands of 2010 will catch you up on what you’ve missed. The list features some of my fave’s of the year—Broken Bells, Freelance Whales, Mumford & Sons, and bands that I’m just getting around to checking out myself.

Listen to Morgan’s Best of 2010 on rdio.com.

Craving more?

Check back for Morgan’s monthly themed playlists on PopTen. If you’re entirely bored, you can peruse my schedule from SxSW 2010, which was totally rockin’ thanks—again—to Morgan!

That’s Morgan & I chilling at Stubb’s SxSW 2010, returned to the scene of the Dirty Sweet crime of 2009. 🙂

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Music

My Favorite Dave Songs

Everybody asks me how she’s doin’
Has she really lost her mind?
I said, I couldn’t tell you
I’ve lost mine

Everybody asks me how she’s doing
Is she really all she says…
Everybody asks me how she’s doing
Since she went away
I said I couldn’t tell you
I’m OK I’m OK I’m OK (How are you?)

pantala naga pampa

Come and relax now, put your troubles down
No need to bear the weight of your worries here
Let them all fall away

#41

Come and see
I swear by now I’m playing time against my troubles
I’m coming slow but speeding
Do you wish a dance and while I’m in the front
The play on time is won
But the difficulty is coming here

I will go in this way
And find my own way out
I won’t tell you to stay
But I’m coming to much more
Me
All at once the ghosts come back
Reeling in you now
What if they came down crushing
Remember when I used to play for all of the loneliness that nobody
notices now
I’m begging slow I’m coming here
Only waiting I wanted to stay
I wanted to play,
I wanted to love you

I’m only this far
And only tomorrow leads my way

I’m coming waltzing back and moving into your head
Please, I wouldn’t pass this by
I wouldn’t take any more than
What sort of man goes by
I will bring water
Why won’t you ever be glad
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you
Why won’t you run
in the rain and play
Let the tears splash all over you

Crush

Crazy, how it feels tonight
Crazy, how you make it all alright, love
Crush me with the things you do
And I’ll do for you, anything, too, oh
Sitting, smoking, feeling high,
And in this moment, oh, it feels so right

Lovely lady, I am at your feet
Oh God, I want you so badly
And I wonder this, could tomorrow be
So wondrous as you there, sleeping?

Let’s go — drive ’til morning comes,
Watch the sun rise and fill our souls up
Drink some wine til we get drunk, yeah

It’s crazy, I’m thinking, just knowing that the world is round,
And here I’m dancing on the ground
Am I right-side-up or upside-down,
And is this real or am I dreaming?

Lovely lady, let me drink you, please
Won’t spill a drop, no, I promise you
Laying under this spell you cast on me,
Each moment, the more I love you
Crush me, come on, oh yeah

It’s crazy, I’m thinking, just knowing that the world is round,
And here I’m dancing on the ground
Am I right-side-up or upside-down,
Is this real or am I dreaming?

Lovely lady, I will treat you sweetly, oh
I adore you, I mean, you crush me
And it’s times like these when my faith, I feel it
I know, how I love you
Come on, come on, baby

It’s crazy, I’m thinking, just as long as you’re around,
And here I’ll be dancing on the ground
Am I right-side-up or upside-down?
To each other we’ll be facing, my love, my love
We’ll beat back the pain we’ve found
You know, I mean to tell you all the things I’ve been thinking deep inside
My friend,
Each moment, the more I love you

Crush me, come on, baby
So much you have given, love,
That I would give you back again and again
Oh love, meaning I’ll hold you, but please,
Please, just let me always

Rapunzel

Open wide
Oh, so good I’ll eat you
Take me for a ride
In your sweet delicious
Perfect little mouth
Thereupon I linger
You will have no doubt
That I’ll do my best for you, I do

Love
Let’s stop to get it going
Lost myself just thinking
About the two of us
From each other drinking
Begin with the lips
Fingertips and kissing
Turn me inside out
I do my best for you

Up and down we go
From the top you push me
This is such a thrill
Lost in love and dancing
Shake your tambourine
You blow my head open
Of one thing I’m sure
I do my best for you I do

For you I would crawl
Through the darkest dungeon
Climb the castle wall
If you are my Rapunzel
You let your hair down
Right in through your window
Good they locked the door
‘Cause I do my best for you

I think the world of you
All of my heart I do
Blood through my veins for you
You alone have all of me
I give my world to you
To you I will be true

Too good to be real
The smell of something cooking
My soul you’re to steal
Food of love we’re filling
What you’ve given me
For it there is no measure
Of one thing I am know
Is I’ll give my best for you

I think the world of you
With all of my heart I do
This blood through my veins for you
You alone have all of me
From you my strength is so full
To carry your burdens, too
And I give my world to you

Hip lock up so tight
You drive me crazy
Crazy is all right
With you looking at me
You make me feel high
Every single thing you do to me is like I’m drunk
I’ll do my best for you, I do

Say Goodbye

So here we are tonight,
You and me together
The storm outside, the fire is bright
And in your eyes I see
What’s on my mind
You’ve got me wild
Turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping
up heavy inside here
And know you feel the same way
I do now
Now let’s make this an evening
Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight
Stay here with me, love, tonight
just for an evening
When we make
our passion pictures
You and me twist up
Secret creatures
And we’ll stay here
Tomorrow go back to being friends

Go back to being friends
But tonight let’s be lovers,
We kiss and sweat
We’ll turn this better thing
To the best
Of all we can offer, Just a rogue kiss
Tangled tongues and lips,
See me this way
I’m turning and turning for you
Girl, just tonight

Float away here with me
An evening just wait and see
But tomorrow go back to your man
I’m back to my world
And we’re back to being friends
Wait and see me,
Tonight let’s do this thing
All we are is wasting hours until the sun comes up it’s all ours
On our way here
Tomorrow go back to being friends

Go back to being friends
Tonight let’s be lovers, say you will
And hear me call, soft-spoken whispering love
A thing or two I have to say here
Tonight let’s go all the way then
Love I’ll see you,
Just for this evening
Let’s strip down, trip out at this
One evening starts with a kiss
Run away

And tomorrow
Back to being friends
Lovers…love…lovers
Just for tonight, one night…love you
And tomorrow say goodbye

Lover Lay Down

Spring sweet rhythm dance in my head
Slip into my lover’s hands
Kiss me oh won’t you kiss me now
And sleep I would inside your mouth

Don’t be us too shy
Knowing it’s no big surprise
That I will wait for you
I will wait for no one but you

Look please lover lay down
Spend this time with me
Together share this smile
Lover lay down

Walk with me, walk with you
Hold my hand your hands
So much we have dreamed
And you were so much younger
Hard to explain that we are stronger

A million reasons life to deny
Let’s toss them away
See you and me we
Lay down look see
She and he
By my lover’s side
Together share this smile
Each other’s tears to cry
Together share this smile
Lover lay down

Oh please
Look please lover lay down
Oh please lover lay down
And you weep
Lover lay down
Cause it’s over
Lover lay down
Say lover, say lover, say lover, say lover, say lover
Could I love you
Could you love me
Could I love you
Could you love me
Could I love you
Could you love me
Could I love you
Could you love me
Darling it’s
All the same
All the same
All the same
All the same
‘Til we dance away
‘Til we dance away
‘Til we dance away
‘Til we dance away
Chasing me all around
Leading me all around
Leading me all around in circles
Leading me all around in circles
Say…

Two Step

Say, my love, I came to you with best intentions
You laid down and gave to me just what I’m seeking
Love, you drive me to distraction

Hey my love do you believe that we might last a thousand years
Or more if not for this,
our flesh and blood
It ties you and me right up
Tie me down

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain
We’re climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
These things we cannot change

Hey, my love, you came to me like wine comes to this mouth
Grown tired of water all the time
You quench my heart and you quench my mind

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but
Sweet for certain
We’re climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
The things we cannot
Celebrate, you and me, climbing two by two, to be sure
these days continue, things we cannot change

Oh, my love I came to you
with best intentions
You laid down and gave to me
Just what I’m seeking

Celebrate we will
Because life is short
But sweet for certain
We’re climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
Things we cannot change…
Things we cannot change

The Best of What’s Around

Hey my friend
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your times with me
Would you say you’re feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind

See, you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
And so can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We’ll make the best of what’s around

Turns out not where but who you’re with
That really matters
And hurts not much when you’re around

If you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you’re missing all the rest
She run up into the light surprised
Her arms are open
Her mind’s eye is

Seeing things from a
Clearer side than most can dream
On a better road I feel
So you could say she’s safe
Whatever tears at her
Whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done
She’ll make the best of what’s around

Turns out not where but what you think
That really matters
And hurts not much when you’re around

Jimi Thing

Lately I’ve been feeling low
A remedy is what I’m seeking
Take a taste of what’s below
Come away to something better
What I want is what I’ve not got
But what I need is all around me
Reaching searching never stop
And I’ll say…

If you could keep me floating just for a while
‘Til I get to the end of this tunnel, mummy
If you could keep me floating just for a while
I’ll get back to you

Take a Jimi Thing
Just to keep me swingin’
I’d like to show you what’s inside
I shouldn’t care if you don’t like it
Brother chaos rules all about
Sometimes I walk there
Yes, God knows sometimes I take a bus
I should’t care I shouldn’t care bereaved as
I’m feeling

Day is gone I’m on my back
Staring up at the ceiling
I take a drink sit back relax
Smoke my mind makes me feel
Better for a short time
What I want is what I’ve not got
What I need is all around me
Reaching searching never stop
And I’ll say

If you could keep me floating just for a while
‘Til I get to the end of this tunnel…mummy
If you could keep me floating just for a while
I’ll get back to you

Some Devil

One last kiss one only
Then I’ll let you go Hard for you
I’ve fallen
But you can’t break my fall
I’m broken don’t break me
When I hit the ground

Some devil some angel
Has got me to the bones
You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Is such a long and lonely time

Too drunk and still drinking
It’s just the way I feel
It’s alright
Is what you told me
Cause what we had was so beautiful
Feel heavy like floating
At the bottom of the sea

You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Is such a long and lonely time

Some devil is stuck inside of me
I cannot set it free
I wish, I wish I was dead and you breathing
Just so that you could know
Some angel is stuck inside of me
But I cannot set you free

You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Such a long and lonely time

Stuck inside of me

Stay or Leave

Maybe different but remember
Winters warm there you and I
Kissing whiskey by the fire
With the snow outside
And the summer comes
The river swims at midnight shiver cold
Touch the bottom you and I
With muddy toes

Stay or leave
I want you not to go but you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave I want you not to go but you did

Wake up naked drinking coffee
Making plans to change the world
While the world is changing us
It was good good love
You used to laugh under the covers
Maybe not so often now
The way I used to laugh with you
Was loud and hard

Stay or leave
I want you not to go but you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave I want you not to go but you did

So what to do
With the rest of the day’s afternoon hey
Isn’t it strange how we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that I should

That I coulda done

Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be
You and me
I want to be too
What day is this
Besides the day you left me
What day is this
Besides the day you went
So what to do
With the rest of the day’s afternoon hey
Well isn’t it strange how we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that I could

Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be
You and me, I want to be too
What day is this
Besides the day you went babe
What day is this?

I’ll Back You Up

I remember thinking
I’ll go on forever only knowing
I’ll see you again
But I know
The touch of you is so hard to remember
But like that touch I know no other

And for sure we have danced
In the risk of each other
Would like to dance
Around the world with me

I’ll be falling all about my own thing
And I know you’re the heaviest weight
When you’re not here that’s hung
Around my head

And your lips burn wild
Thrown from the face of a child
And in your eyes
The seeing of the greatest few
Do what you will, always
Walk where you like, your steps
Do as you please, I’ll back you up

I remember thinking
Sometimes we walk
Sometimes we run away
But I know
No matter how fast we are running
Somehow we keep
Somehow we keep up with each other

I’ll be falling all about my own thing
And I know you’re the heaviest weight
When you’re not here that’s hung
Around my head

And your lips burn wild
Thrown from the face of a child
And in your eyes
The seeing of the greatest few
Do what you will, always
Walk where you like, your steps
Do as you please, I’ll back you up

One Sweet World

Nine planets round the sun
Only one does the sun embrace
Upon this watered one
So much we take for granted

So let us sleep outside tonight
Lay down in our mother’s arms
For here we can rest safely

If green should slip to gray
But our hearts still bloody be
And if mountains crumble away
And the river dry
Would it stop the stepping feet

Take all that we can get
When it’s done
Nobody left to bury here
Nobody left to dig the holes
And here we can rest safely

One sweet world
Around a star is spinning
One sweet world
And in her breath I’m swimming
And here we will rest in peace

The Stone

I’ve this creeping
Suspicion that things here are not as they seem
Reassure me
Why do I feel as if I’m in too deep
Now I’ve been praying
For some way to show them I’m not what they see
Yes, I have done wrong
But what I did I thought needed be done
I swear

Oh unholy day
If I leave now I might get away
Oh, but this weighs on me
As heavy as stone and as blue as I go

I was just wondering if you’d come along
Hold up my head when my head won’t hold on
I’ll do the same if the same’s what you want
But if not I’ll go
I will go alone
I’m a long way
From that fool’s mistake and now forever pay
No, run
I will run and I’ll be okay

I was just wondering if you’d come along
Hold up my head when my head won’t hold on
I’ll do the same if the same’s what you want
But if not I’ll go
I will go alone
Long way
Bury the past for I don’t want to pay
Oh, how I wish this
To turn back the clock and do over again

Now I was just wondering if you’d come along
Hold up my head when my head won’t hold on
I’ll do the same if the same’s what you want
But if not I’ll go
I’ll go alone

I need so
To stay in your arms, see you smile, hold you close
And now it weighs on me
As heavy as stone and a bone chilling cold

I was just wondering if you’d come along
Tell me you will

Pig

Isn’t it strange
How we move our lives for another day
Like skipping a beat
What if a great wave should wash us all away
Just thinking out loud
Don’t mean to dwell on this dying thing
But looking at blood
It’s alive right now
Deep and sweet within
Pouring through our veins
Intoxicate moving wine to tears
Drinking it deep
Then an evening spent dancing
It’s you and me
This love will open our world
From the dark side we can see the glow of something bright
There’s much more than we see here
Don’t burn the day away
Don’t burn the day
Don’t burn the day away

Is this not enough?
This blessed sip of life, is it not enough?
Staring down at the ground
Oh, then complain and pray for more from above,
You greedy little pig,
Stop, just watch your world trickle away
Oh, it’s your problem now
It’ll all be dead and gone in a few short years

Oh, just love will open our eyes
Just love will put the hope back in our minds
Much more than we could ever know
Oh, so don’t burn the day away
Don’t burn the day away

Oh, come sisters, my brothers,
Shake up your bones, shake up your feet,
I’m saying, open up and let the rain come pouring in
Wash out this tired notion
Oh, that the best is yet to come
But oh, while you’re dancing on the ground,
Don’t think of, oh, when you’re gone
Love, love, love, what more is there?
‘Cause we need the light of love in here
Don’t beat your head, dry your eyes, let the love in there,
There’s bad times but that’s okay, just look for love in there

And don’t burn the day away
Look, here are we,
On this starry night, staring into space
And I must say, I feel as small as dust lying down here

Oh, what point could there be troubling
Head down, wondering, “what will become of me?”
Why concern? We cannot see but no reason to abandon it
The time is short, time, that’s all right
Maybe I’ll go out in the middle of the night,
And take your hand, look in your eyes, my love
All good things must come to an end sometime

Oh, but don’t burn the day away
Don’t burn the day away

Oh, come sisters, my brothers,
Shake up your bones, shake up your feet,
I’m saying open up and let the rain come flooding in
Wash out this tired notion
That the best is yet to come
But, oh, while you’re dancing on the ground
Don’t think of when you’re gone
Love, love, love, what more is there?
‘Cause we need the light of love in here
Don’t beat your head, and dry your eyes, let the love in there
The bad times, well that’s okay,
Let’s just look for love in here, yeah

Just let the love in there,
Oh love, light up

When the World Ends

Oh when the world ends, collect your things
You’re coming with me
When the world ends, you tuckle up yourself with me
Watch it as the stars disappear to nothing
The day the world is over
We’ll be lying in bed
I’m gonna rock you like a baby when the cities fall
We will rise as the building’s crumble
Midst the burning we’ll be churning
Love will be our wings
Passion rises from the ashes
When the world ends, you’re gonna come with me
We’re gonna be crazy like a river bends
We’re gonna float through the criss cross of the mountains
Watch them fade to nothin
When the world ends
You know that’s what’s happenin now
I’m gonna be there with you somehow
I’m gonna tie you up like a baby in the carriage car
Your legs don’t work cause you want me so
You just lie spread to the wall
Love you got is surely all the love I would ever need
I’m gonna take you by my side and love you tall till the world ends
But don’t you worry about a thing
No cause I got you here with me
Don’t you worry about a
Just you and me, floating through the empty empty
Just you and me
Oh graces
Oh Grace
When the world ends, we’ll be burning one
When the world ends, we’ll be sweet makin’ love
Oh you know when the world ends, I’m gonna take you aside and say
Let’s watch it fade away fade away
The worlds done, ours just begun
We’re gonna dive into the emptiness
We be swimming
I’m gonna walk you through the pathless roads
I’m gonna take you to the top of the mountain that’s no longer there
I’m gonna take you to bed and love you I swear like the end is here
I’m gonna take you up to
I’m gonna take you down on you
I’m gonna hold you like an angel
I’m gonna love you
When the world ends
I’m gonna hold you
When the world is over
We’ll just be begin…

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain

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Music

I let her get away from me

Bright Eyes, Jason Mraz

Bright lights, big city
Was quite extraordinary.
The drive was pretty.
I was in perfect company.
The love of a lifetime,
Since we were elementary friends
The one with the bright eyes…

Why cannot I be optimistic?
I tried to find the logic logically.
I had a dream and I could not shake it.

I was standing up there naked.

There’s fear in the truth at hand, frozen I forgot to understand
The live keep living; growing older more into a man..
And I let her grow away from me.

Love… love is not pretending.
Time… time was meant for mending
Memories into all is satisfactory,
Healthy smiles fill the page the day we spent in miles.
And I let her drive away from me.

The one with the bright eyes
Laughed her way inside this music box;
Stored away in the corner of my heart.
And I let her get away from me
But I’ll never take that day away from me.

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Music

Put Your Arms Around Me, Natasha Bedingfield

We both heard it and thought of each other… and I can’t explain what is the glue that holds us in.

That original feeling never went away
That’s why I’m standing here today.

So many up and downs and nothing has changed.
That’s why you know I’m here to stay.

So put your arms around me and then stay there forever
Let it always be this way, you and me together.

So put your arms around me and I’ll never let go.
I know they’re easy words to say, but I mean it more than ever.

Yours is the kind of love makes nothing else feel good enough.
And I’m never gonna give you up, oh no.

That original feeling never went away
That’s why I’m standing here today.

Ain’t nobody gonna take your place
Only you made me feel this way.

So many up and downs and nothing has changed.
That’s why you know I’m here to stay.

Ain’t nobody gonna replace
Only you make me feel this saved.

I can’t explain what’s the glue that holds us in.
I can’t refrain if I had the chance to do it over again.

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Music

“The Ice is Getting Thinner”, Death Cab for Cutie

We’re not the same, dear, as we used to be.
The seasons have changed and so have we.
There was little we could say, and even less we could do
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you.

We bury our love in the windsory grave
Along came the snow, that was all that remained.
But we stayed by its side as the days turned to weeks
And the ice kept getting thinner with every word that we’d speak.

And when spring arrived
We were taken by surprise when the flows under our feet
Led into the sea
Nothing was left for you and me.

We’re not the same, dear,
And it seems to me
There’s more where we can go
With nothing underneath.

And it saddens me to say
But we both know, well, it’s true
That the ice was getting thinner
Under me and you.

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Music

A Beautiful Mess, Jason Mraz

You’ve got the best of both worlds.
You’re the kind of girl who can take down a man,
and lift him back up again.
You are strong but you’re needy,
Humble but you’re greedy
Based on your body language,
and shouted cursive I’ve been reading
Your style is quite selective,
But your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is.
Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It’s like picking up trash in dresses.

Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives.
And don’t mind my nerve, you can call it fiction
‘Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear.
‘Cause here we are, here we are.

Although you were biased, I love your advice.
Your comebacks, they’re quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities.
There’s no shame in being crazy.
Depending on how you take these
Words they’re paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging.

And it’s a beautiful mess, yes it is.
It’s like we’re picking up trash in dresses.

Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades.
And the kind and courteous is a life, I’ve heard,
But it’s nice to say that we played in the dirt.
Cause here, here we are, here we are.

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Music

Seeds of Compassion

Dave and Tim played a benefit show at the Key Arena, Seattle, WA on April 11th for Seeds of Compassion. Before the show Dave interviewed the Dalai Lama. He about his nervousness during the interview, “Everyone told me to be myself, and myself was nervous!” Death Cab for Cutie opened for the pair, a surprise to all in the crowd as they were a last minute addition.

The show was incredibly special… I was just so overwhelmed by “Sister”. With no tapers for the show, I went out immediately to get Dave & Tim Live at Radio City to preserve the magic.

Honestly, I’m sitting here trying to think of how to express the emotion of this experience, to share it. I just can’t. It will live forever, cherished, in my memory. My experience, my own, untouched and unshared.

Set lists (and tweets) below…

Death Cab for Cutie

405 : “405. you keep twisting the truth”

Your Heart Is An Empty Room : “and all u see is what else you could be”

Photobooth : “i remember when you took so long. foolish attempts”

Talking Bird : from new album “Narrow Stairs”

Title and Registration : “of your tail lights fading” (ry knows)

Brothers on a Hotel Bed : “u may tire of me, dec sun”

Soul Meets Body : “sun wrap its arms around me”

Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds

Bartender

Old Dirt Hill

So Damn Lucky : “Oh my God, wait and see What will soon become of me?”

Stay or Leave : “Stay or leave, I warned you not to go, but you did.” … “What day is this besides the day you left me? What to do with rest of the afternoon?”

Save Me

Cry Freedom : “The future is no place to place your better days.”

Gravedigger : “Gravedigger, when you did my grave, could you make it shallow so that I can feel the rain?”

You Are My Sanity (Tim Solo)

The Maker

Sister

Corn Bread : “Makes you want to run around naked because you know it looks good on you…”

Some Devil : “One last kiss… and then I’ll let you go… Some devil, some angel… you said always and forever…”

Everyday : “Honey, honey…”

Where Are You Going : “Where are you going…?”

Eh Hee

Dancing Nancies : “Could I have been…???”

Encore: Lie In Our Graves : “Would you not like to be sittin on top of the world with your legs hanging free?!”

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Music

Juno

Finally finished a project that’s I’ve been cranking away at for the last two weeks, nearly non-stop. To celebrate I picked up a bottle of Sapphire to go with the tonic I had stashed away, and then C.S. and I went to see Juno. With my Nalgene in tow, of course!

I love this movie, it just gets to me in some special kind of way. Especially the scene where Juno is talking to her dad about people staying in love and together.

“In my opinion, the best thing you can do if find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.”

And then the opening song lyrics… “If I was a flower growing wild and free, All I’d want is you to be my sweet honey bee.”

Juno just makes me happy.

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Music

MoZella “Going Home”

I pretend that I don’t care
when you know that I do
cause every step that I retrace
always leads me back to you

so how can you say
that you want me to stay
as I board the plane

show me if you want it
if you feel it cause I know
that I’m somewhere in your soul

give me a reason to love you
give me a reason not to go
home

and this is something you don’t know
truth is, I don’t know myself
but all I know is when I’m with you
I don’t want nobody else

so how can you say
that you want me to stay
as I board the plane

then show me if you want it
and you feel it cause I know
that I’m somewhere in your soul

give me a reason to love you
give me a reason not to go
and this might sound crazy
but I’ve loved you all along
so just humor my senses
as I sing this song
to you

and show me if you want it
and you feel it cause I know
that I’m somewhere in your soul

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Music, Travel

By the Arno. Oscar Wilde, 1881.

The oleander on the wall
Grows crimson in the dawning light,
Though the grey shadows of the night
Lie yet on Florence like a pall.

The dew is bright upon the hill,
And bright the blossoms overhead,
But ah! the grasshoppers have fled,
The little Attic song is still.

Only the leaves are gently stirred
By the soft breathing of the gale,
And in the almond-scented vale
The lonely nightingale is heard.

The day will make thee silent soon,
O nightingale sing on for love!
While yet upon the shadowy grove
Splinter the arrows of the moon.

Before across the silent lawn
In sea-green vest the morning steals,
And to love’s frightened eyes reveals
The long white fingers of the dawn

Fast climbing up the eastern sky
To grasp and slay the shuddering night,
All careless of my heart’s delight,
Or if the nightingale should die.

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Music

Waiting For My Real Life To Begin [Colin Hay]

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
I’ll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don’t you understand
I already have a plan
I’m waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I’m walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I’m waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I’ll check my machine, there’s sure to be that call
It’s gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It’s just that times are lean

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don’t you understand
I already have a plan
I’m waiting for my real life to begin

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Music

Do you love?

Child, it’s broke
And I feel you
Slipping away

Child, you spoke
And the world
Fell silent again

Do you love
Do you need love

Child, undone
By fear of falling
Through cracks

Child, by one mistake
You’ve lost your way back
(Something’s gotta
Turn you round)

Child be still
In the storm
To wave us goodbye

Child we will
Return to dance
With the sky

Do you love
Do you need love
When your angels shout
Is your heart strung out

Do you love
Do you need love
When your angels fall
Have you lost it all

Do you love
Do you need love
When your angels cry
Does your spirit die

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Music

Don’t burn the day away…

I have a friend who feels the need to tell me on occasion that I am not her best friend. Beyond the fact that I don’t really

feel the need to be made aware of this, it doesn’t bother me much. That’s just the way it is.

What confounded me this weekend is the realization that she expects me to continue to give the best to her. She didn’t get reserved seating, so she automatically expects that I’m going to take her. I would never expect that from a friend. It’s just mind boogling to me how someone could expect that. You tell me I’m not your best friend, but you expect me to treat you like one? I don’t think so.

Worst yet, it’s not about sharing an experience together, about attending the show with me specifically… it’s just about having a better seat.

“Turns out not where but who you’re with that really matters.” — Dave, Best of What’s Around

So I’ve honestly thought about giving her both reserved seating tickets. I’d just head out to the lawn to share the experience with my friends who didn’t have the chance to get a little closer look. Although my impulse is to give for the greater good, and perhaps prove my point a bit, I’m going to hold off. Dave has always been incrediably special concert for me, and who knows who I might want to share the experience with, and from a great vantage point.

So one more complaint… (I’m ranting here, because I don’t really feel like it’s worth bothering telling my friend how I feel) the Maktub show was awesome. I was a bit of an idiot and didn’t really think about the possible effects of three Long Island Ice Tea’s. This was my first time drinking one, and boy, are they powerful. Well, the complaint is more about the fact that I was having a merry ol’ time, but meanwhile my buddy kept bugging me about who I was talking to. At times I was chatting with Ash too much… “Making him think that there could be a second chance…” Then I was giving Joel too much attention, and not enough to Jared. There were several behavior-modifying comments along the way.

I was totally fed up. I had told her before, and again, that I’m not trying to date Jared, we’re not going out, we’re just friends. There was no reason for me to treat him any differently than I would before. If anything I ended up staying a bit further away because of her prodding. I don’t remember what the last straw was, but I do remember thinking “that’s it!” and going to the bathroom to escape for a moment. She followed me, and then my happy bubble was shattered. That’s when I turned into an idiot. Whenever I get frustrated or emotional I end up missing my family and friends. This was not the time to have that happen.

I ended up sitting against the wall for a second, and wondered what it would be like to have Jess around still. A few tears escaped, and then I walked back into the crowd with my friend close behind. I guess Ash was upset at me, although I really didn’t notice or understand at the time. (Remember, I was slightly less perceptive than normal.)

Leaving the show was a bit of a blur. Joel linked arms with me and was trying to be a comfort. I think he felt sorry for me missing my family. Later he told me that Ashley told him that I do this every time I drink. The fact that he walked with me after being informed as such was all the more surprising to me.

In the end, there is no excuse. I’m a tough girl, and I’ve got to get it together. But I wonder what I’m supposed to do when I have friends that end up making me feel like a lesser person, or some how never quite good enough.

It’s hard, in times like this, not to wish you could just go back to yesterday. The past may be gone but I look upon it so fondly. The day’s where I wasn’t so beaten, battered and bruised from life. When your friends were people you had built several Kingdom Hall’s with, and were people who shared your dreams. When relationships weren’t so hard. When it was easy to tell people that you love them. When it was easier to make everything okay. When I was me.

“I will go in this way
And find my own way out
I won’t tell you to stay
But I’m coming to much more
Me.”

“Oh, isn’t it strange
How we move our lives for another day?
Like skipping a beat
What if a great wave should wash us all away?
Just thinking out loud
Don’t mean to dwell on this dying thing
But look at my blood
It’s alive right now,
And deep and sweet within
Pouring through our veins
Intoxicate moving wine to tears
And drinking it deep
Then an evening spent dancing
It’s you and me…

This love will open our world
From the dark side we can see a glow of something bright
Oh, there’s much more than we see here
Don’t burn the day away

Is this not enough?
This blessed sip of life,
Is it not enough?
Staring down at the ground
Oh, then complain and pray for more from above,
You greedy little pig
Stop, just watch your world trickle away
Oh, it’s your problem now
It’ll all be dead and gone in a few short years

Just love will open our eyes
Just love will put the hope back in our minds
Much more than we could ever know
Oh, so don’t burn the day away
Don’t burn the day away

And don’t burn the day away…

Look, here are we
On this starry night, staring into space
And I must say
I feel as small as dust lying down here

What point could there be troubling?
Head down wondering what will become of me?
Why concern we cannot see
But no reason to abandon it
The time is short but that’s all right
Maybe I’ll go in the middle of the night
Take your hands from your eyes, my love
All good things must come to an end some time
But don’t burn the day away
Don’t burn the day away…

Come sister, my brother
Shake up your bones, shake up your feet
I’m saying open up
And let the rain come flooding in
Wash out this tired notion
That the best is yet to come
But while you’re dancing on the ground
Don’t think of when you’re gone

Love, love, love, what more is there?
‘Cause we need the light of love in here
Don’t beat your head
Dry your eyes
Let the love in there
There’re bad times
But that’s okay
Just look for love in it.”

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Music

Lost my friend: If found, please return to…

Music is a huge deal to me in my life. By extension concerts are a big deal too. I’ve been to amazing concerts in amazing places, but what I’ve learned about is that it’s not about the band you see, or where you see them, it’s all about who you see them with. It’s a holistic experience.

In January I get the chance to see Travis play again, and Dave w/ Friends. I want to have an unencumbered good time. I want another one of those magical experiences seeing such amazing bands with an amazing friend. I want to sway to the music and lose myself in the night. I’m so worried that won’t happen. I’m anxious that it will be awkward and I’ll regret my choice.

I hope that there will be signs before hand so that can feel comfortable with taking him. Otherwise, I hate to say it but I’d rather retract an invitation and invite someone else, than to go and be disappointed with the experience together. Thing is, there isn’t anyone else I want to invite.

So yeah, I’ll admit I’m a little girl pouting. Cross your fingers for me?

Hey my friend,
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your times with me
Would you say you’re feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind

See, you and me
Had a better time than most can dream of
Had it better than the best
And so can we pull on through?

Whatever tears at her
Whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done
She’ll make the best of what’s around

Turns out not where but who you’re with
That really matters

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Music

Ben Harper, Jack Johnson

The concert was absolutely amazing. At the end of Jack Johnson’s set I was left with the most contented feeling. His voice is true to the sound on the record… A rare and extraordinary feat for live music. Ben Harper was also so very cool. A legend in the breed.

Best of all were the people I shared the experience with. “I’ll always steal my kisses from you.”

Two songs that were especially touching:

Blessed To Be A Witness

Corcovado parted the sky
And through the darkness
On us he shined
Crucified in stone
Still his blood is my own
Glory behold all my eyes have seen
Have seen

I am blessed
I am blessed to be a witness

Some have flown away
And can’t be with us here today
Like the hills of my home
Some have crumbled and now are gone
Gather around for today won’t come again
Won’t come again

I am blessed
I am blessed to be a witness

So much sorrow and pain
Still I will not live in vain
Like good questions never asked
Is wisdom wasted on the past
Only by the grace of God go I

I am blessed to be a witness

Roses from My Friends
I could have treated you better
But you couldn’t have treated me worse
But he who laughs last
is he who cries first

Sometimes I feel I know strangers
better than I know my friends
Why must a beginning
be the means to an end?

The stones from my enemies
these wounds will mend
But I cannot survive
the roses from my friends

When the last word has been spoken
and we’ve beared witness to the final setting sun
All that shall remain is a token
of what we’ve said and done

When all we’ve had has been forsaken
And distant church bells no longer ring
That’s the sound of a heart taken
and the story of tears from a king

The stones from my enemies
these wounds will mend
But I cannot survive
the roses from my friends

This may be the last time I see you
Forgive me for holding you close
This may be the last time I see you
So of this moment I will make the most

This may be the last time I see you
But if you keep me in your heart
together we shall be eternal
If you believe
we shall never part

The stones from my enemies
These wounds will mend
But I cannot survive
the roses from my friends

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Music

Beth Hart, LA Song

She hangs around the boulevard
She’s a local girl with local scars
She got home late
She drank so hard the bottle ached
&
she tried
but nothin’s clear in a bar full a flies
So she takes
She understands when she gives it away
She says
Man I gotta get outta this town
Man I gotta get outta this pain
Man I gotta get outta this town
Outta this town & out of L.A.
She’s gotta gun
She got a gun she calls the lucky one
She left a note right by the phone
Don’t leave a message ’cause this ain’t no home
&
she cried
She cried so long her tears ran dry
Then she laughed
‘Cause she knew she was never comin’ back
She said
Man I’m gonna get outta this town
Man I’m gonna get outta this pain
Man I’m gonna get outta this town
Outta this town & out of L.A.
It’s all she loves It’s all she hates It’s all too much for her
to take she can’t be sure just where it ends or where
the good life begins
So she took a train
to a little old town without a name
She met a man he took her in
but fed her all the same bullshit again
‘Cause he lied
he lied like a salesman sellin’ flies
So she screamed
it’s a different place
but the same old thang
It’s all I love It’s all I hate It’s all too much for me to take
I can’t be sure where it begins or if the good life lies within
So she said
Man I gotta get out of this town
Yeah now I gotta get back on that train
Man I gotta get out of this town
I’m outta my pain
So I’m goin’ back to L.A.

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I just had to laugh…

When I read a post this morning, I smirked at the thought of how some people just have to have the last word. I guess if it makes a person feel better… whatever.

Interestingly enough my reaction reminded me of when I kicked out my ex-husband. I realized I didn’t care to respond. When I kicked Brad out, I never looked back. But up until that point I fought tooth and nail to save whatever there was to save. I remember telling a girlfriend that you fight until end, make sure you’ve tried everything you can, and then you’ll know when it’s over. You just know, because you can walk away and you won’t ever look back with regret.

It’s a strange new day. A moment of clarity.

Natalie Imbruglia – That Day (Moment of Clarity)

That day, That day
What a mess what a marvel
I walked into that cloud again
And I lost myself
And I’m sad, sad, sad
Small, alone, scared
Craving purity
A fragile mind and a gentle spirit

That day, That day,
What a marvelous mess
This is all that I can do
I’m done to be me
Sad, scared, small, alone, beautiful
It’s supposed to be like this
I accept everything
It’s supposed to be like this

That day, That day
I lay down beside myself
In this feeling of pain, sadness
Scared, small, climbing, crawling
Towards the light
And it’s all I see and
I’m tired and I’m right
And I’m wrong
And it’s beautiful

That day, That day
What a mess, what a marvel
We’re all the same
And no one thinks so
And it’s okay
And I’m small and I’m divine
And it’s beautiful
And it’s coming
But it’s already here
And it’s absolutely perfect

That day, That day
When everything was a mess
And everything was in place
And there’s too much hurt
Sad, small, scared, alone
And everyone’s a cynic
And it’s hard and it’s sweet
But it’s supposed to be like this

That day, That day
When I sat in the sun
And I thought and I cried
Cause I’m sad, scared, small
Alone, strong
And I’m nothing and I’m true
Only a brave man can break through
And it’s all okay
Yeah, it’s okay

Once you had gold.

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A mountain of clothes…

My bedroom is hidden under a mountain of clothes… Somewhere underneath there is my room, I’m sure of it. The problem? Well, they’re all clean, so it’s not that bad, but I never get around to folding them. Add to it unpacking from vacation/the wedding, and you’ve got one massive pile. The rest of my apartment is clean. And I have a happy cat going balastic with this little mouse toy. That counts for something, right?

I ordered an in-dash mp3 player for my new car yesterday, should take it a week or so to get here. My volume and track controls may not work without a special adapter (extra big bucks) and wondering how annoying will it be to have buttons that don’t work, in such an obvious place? (Hearing in my head: “Oh, cool, you can fast forward through tracks on your steering wheel?!” Me: “Uh, no. They don’t work.” “Oh.”)

I have the sun roof open, the car windows down, and I’m probably the only person in the world trying to get rid of the new leather smell. I need to remember to close it up before I go to bed.

This weekend is the Weenie Roast warm up with Seven Mary Three in Dixie’s parking lot. I’m looking forward to it. Just seems a little fast though, thought it was a couple weeks off still. No rest for the weary.

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The touch of love…

At one time, love was simple to me. It was caring for someone, and giving for them. Love was something that grew as time passed, and it was something enduring. I learned the pains of love, the test of soul, of integrity and of hope.

I just finished reading a book in which One was trained by the love of pain to learn to endure, and to be stronger. It was of giving of yourself completely to be able to lose yourself, in the hope of gaining another. Several years ago I journeyed the same road. I learned, as I believe is truth I guess, sadly, that you can be no more, no less than you are. I don’t say this as pessismism, but merely an observation as clear as “you are what you want to be”.

I was broken, and I mourn the pain of someone alone, sitting lost in himself, in his remorse and his sadness, several hundred miles away.

In the book, justice was only met when the One was able to forgive before executing judgement. I know this too. I forgave, and I hold no resentment. Only sadness for what I was not able to change, for who I was not able to help.

This past few weeks have been incrediably trying for me. My charactered has been tried from every angle. I have been scrutinized, and held for judgement, I’ve been tested and left for wary. I am tired, and I feel sadness, but I am alive.

So long ago, my life was ruled by the future, and dreams I reached out to hold. Hope. Now I live as each day comes, I haven’t look into that distance and seen what I’m working toward. But, I don’t really feel like I’m bad off, I’m just looking at things differently.

It leaves thoughts to be pondered. Is a life living just each day as it comes a life of numbness. Are you void of the emotions of expectation, of anticipation?

On an separate thought, I was thinking about the power of music. This week I bought a new car, with a phenomenal audio system. Listening to music is powerful. With the windows rolled down, the sunroof up, and the cool night air running through me as the music does, I could be content to drive until the ocean forced me to turn. Music touches the memories of our life, and immortalizes them in a way that makes moments even more special. Jonathan running toward me, so happy, and so pleased in a way of innocence still retained, “Water Runs Drive is number one for the fifth week in the row”, he proclaimed to me, having just finished Casey’s Top Forty. Black Hole Sun, and The Undone Sweater song sitting in Carmens camper discussing the impending school year, and our plans for life. Nirvana, playing guitar in a tiny room behind the stage, sacked out together. Two Steps Behind, All for One, and Mariah Cary moves me forward to another era. Limp Bizkit, Tool, Korn to another. Lonely People, for a lonely night on the way home, where a mother reached out the pain her daughter never realized she knew was there, much less understood.

What memories are to come? What songs define today, or my future? So many today I think I’ll never hold in my grasp. A rare cut of a song from a band from the middle of the country, with a dj that only sang with them once. That was a “trip to Florida” where anything was possible, with only reason and work holding us back. Lucky, a song that would remind me that we are perfect, when all my strength was gone, and I was only able to resign. And a concert, where the rest of the night is forgotten, but the amazing voice of a single man, and his guitar, and shared company.

Heres to music. Heres to hoping life continues to be worthy to hold to such powerful songs, and such powerful songs continue to be present to warrant my memories to.

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Beautiful Day…

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There’s no room
No space to rent in this town
You’re out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you’re not moving anywhere
You thought you’d found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It’s a beautiful day – the sky falls
You feel like it’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

You’re on the road
But you’ve got no destination
You’re in the mud
In the maze of her imagination
You love this town
Even if that doesn’t ring true
You’ve been all over
And it’s been all over you

It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
It’s a beautiful day

Touch me, take me to that other place
Teach me, I know I’m not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colours came out

It was a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me – take me to that other place
Reach me – I know I’m not a hopeless case
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
What you don’t know you can feel somehow
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
Don’t need it now
It was a beautiful day

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I used to be…

I used to be so private with my feelings. Never wanting the whole world to know, or my whole life to be presented as an open book.

This afternoon I was crying in Showmars. Trying to be subtle and unnoticed. (Hey, it was better than crying in the office.) But like anywhere I go people know me. The guy who runs the place called from over the counter, asking was I crying? Which of course calls the rest of the people’s attention to me. He offered ice cream. Oh, if only ice cream could make me all better.

I’ve always been one to look forward to the future. But right now it’s so nice in the present. I have a choice it seems to remain constantly living for today, which somehow never adds up to a tomorrow.

Some how I’m just stuck in the space between.

“The rain that falls
Splash in your heart…”
“…Why does it always rain on me?”

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I know an old lady…

I was going to go to bed, (and forget about the bug) when all of the sudden I remembered a poem/song my daddy used to recite.

“I know an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a spider that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a bird. How absurd to swallow a bird. She swallowed the bird to catch the spider that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a cat. Think of that to swallow a cat! She swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a dog. Oh what a hog, to swallow a dog! She swallowed the dog to catch the cat, she swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a goat. Popped open her throat, and swallowed a goat! She swallowed the goat to catch the dog, she swallowed the dog to catch the cat, she swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a cow. Don’t ask me how, but she swallowed a cow! She swallowed the cow to catch the goat, she swallowed the goat to catch the dog, she swallowed the dog to catch the cat, she swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a horse. She died, of course!”

  • Written by Rose Bonne and Alan Mills, 1952 and preformed by Peter, Paul and Mary.

Um, I’m going to bed now.

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