Abraham’s Armageddon: I’m Perfect, You’re Doomed

I’m Perfect, You’re Doomed: Tales from a Jehovah’s Witness Upbringing

Kyria Abrahams was a regular columnist for Jest Magazine for several years, where she was featured alongside performers and writers from The Daily Show and Chappelle’s Show. Her humor has also been published in Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure (Harper Perennial, 2007) the THE BOOK OF ZINES: Reading From the Fringe. For two years, Kyria Abrahams was a regular columnist for Jest Magazine, where she was featured alongside performers and writers from The Daily Show and Chappelle’s Show. She has been a past performer at alternative comedy shows like Eating It and Invite them Up, as well as literary readings like How to Kick People.

As a standup comic, Comedy Central twice selected her as one of ten semi-finalists for the Boston Laugh Riots Competition. She has also been a repeat performer at alternative comedy shows like “Eating It” and “Invite them Up,” as well as literary readings like “How to Kick People”–each of them places where the likes of Jon Stewart, Janeane Garafalo, Patton Oswalt, Fred Armisen, and David Cross have appeared.  Raised in Providence, Rhode Island she now lives in Queens with an abused cat that she just knows will start to love her some day.

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Irish Sunflower


Sunflowers, June 23, 2011

Believe me, if all those endearing young charms,

Which I gaze on so fondly to-day,

Were to change by to-morrow, and fleet in my arms,

Like fairy gifts fading away,

Thou wouldst still be ador’d, as this moment thou art,

Let thy loveliness fade as it will,

And around the dear ruin each wish of my heart

Would entwine itself verdantly still.


It is not while beauty and youth are thine own,

And thy cheeks unprofan’d by a tear,

That the fervor and faith of a soul can be known,

To which time will but make thee more dear;

No, the heart that has truly lov’d never forgets,

But as truly loves on to the close,

As the sunflower turns on her god, when he sets,

The same look which she turn’d when he rose.


Ketamine, Special K and Physican’s off-label Rapid Depression Prescription


The Beloved + Dave

Intro to Drunken Solider — Grace’s favorite song

Dave Matthews Band at Shoreline from @lycia_m on Vimeo.

The little girl in front of us was filming the intro to the encore when her iPhone ran out of storage space! I quickly handed her mother my iPhone so they could continue recording the rest of the song.

If you were to imagine that I am a woman warrior — a soldier — then at times, I’m a drunken one. This song lifts me up…

While Dave’s daughter’s name is Grace, so is the little girl who filmed the encore in front of us. It was her, and my husband’s, first Dave Matthews Band show.

“Thank you for offering Grace the chance to record with your phone. She is very shy, but observant.

She surprised me after we spoke with you saying, “MOM! Did you see her phone?! That was not an iPhone 5!” Said with much conviction for an 11 year old. I said, “Honey, I’m sure it was… But it does look like she may have been running iOS 7.” Says Grace, “Mom! Did you see that it had…”(describing features I did not notice). Me, mildly dismissing this talk, “honey, there are no other iPhones out, so how could it have been different?” Then she says with emphasis, “MoooooM, she WORKS for Apple!” “How do you know?” I say. “Didn’t you see her jacket? It had an Apple on it. She works for Apple!!!”

And then I stopped by your blog and indeed she was right. Very cool. Kids are so uncluttered in their thinking and infatuated with technology.

Thank you for the kind words about being good at something and continuing on with it. She heard you and listened. I’m always trying to give her positive affirmations about any passions she has.” — Grace’s mother

It’s moment like that one which keep me going when you start to feel tired or worn out from long hectic days where there seems to be no thanks at the end of the day. This blog is something that was once for me, and I used it as you use Google to find information. Once, a long long time ago I was a blogger before blogging was invented — but that blog is gone. Lost before the Internet had such a thing as and cached pages. I stopped blogging due to peer pressure and fear of judgment. I found that it’s time to tell my stories. I’m working up the courage, testing out my voice, learning to setup a content management system with the finest social media networking process known. Why bother telling stories that no one will hear? When SpunkyGidget lost her anonymity she lost her personality, character, and soon enough her voice. Finally, it was at Burning Man (2010) that I realized that I’d lost myself. SpunkyGidget wasn’t much of anything interesting anymore, and neither was I.

It’s time to shine my light while I’ve got one.

You have no idea the stories I’m dying to tell you.

Hope you’ll bear with me as I learn to blog again, like it’s 1997.

Drunken Soldier — Dave Matthews Band

Keep your head up
Try and listen to your heart
Be kind always, no matter
We all grow up
And someday well say goodbye
So shine your light while you got one

Make the most of what you’ve got
Don’t waste time being trying to be something you’re not
Fill up your head and fill up you heart and take your shot
Don’t waste time trying to be something you’re not

Once round just once so take your shot
Don’t waste time trying to be something you’re not
Fill up your head and fill up your heart cause that all we got
Don’t waste time trying to be something you’re not

Through your window
That’s one way to see the world
Step outside and look back into
Look and listen
And you decide what to believe
Shine your light while you got one

And make the most of what you got
Don’t waste time trying to be something you’re not
Fill up your head and fill up your heart and take your shot
Don’t waste time trying to be someone you’re not

That’s not a star that’s a satellite
Step it out
Step it out

That’s not a star that’s a satellite



“Addicted to Alien Gods” and Stepping to the Labor Day Vampire Weekend

“A long time ago you broke out of the harness.
You shook off all restraints.
You said, ‘I will not serve!’
and off you went,
Visiting every sex-and-religion shrine on the way,
like a common whore.

You were a select vine when I planted you
from completely reliable stock.
And look how you’ve turned out—
a tangle of rancid growth, a poor excuse for a vine.
Scrub, using the strongest soaps.
Scour your skin raw.”

“How dare you tell me, ‘I’m not stained by sin.
I’ve never chased after the Baal sex gods’!
Well, look at the tracks you’ve left behind in the valley.

How do you account for what is written in the desert dust—
Tracks of a camel in heat, running this way and that,
tracks of a wild donkey in rut,
Sniffing the wind for the slightest scent of sex.
Who could possibly corral her!

On the hunt for sex, sex, and more sex—
insatiable, indiscriminate, promiscuous.

“Slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s the hurry?
Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway?

But you say, ‘I can’t help it. I’m addicted to alien gods. I can’t quit.’

Every time I see you in the wold, you always step to my girl.

“Wisdom’s a gift, but you’d trade it for youth
Age is an honor – it’s still not the truth

We saw the stars when they hid from the world
You cursed the sun when it stepped to your girl

Maybe she’s gone and I can’t resurrect her
The truth is she doesn’t need me to protect her

We know the true death, the true way of all flesh
Everyone’s dying, but girl—you’re not old yet”

If Diane Young won’t change your mind…


My God Kids

I'm the God Mother:

I’m the God Mother: “Because you’re like a fairy godmother who makes dreams come true, only we don’t believe in fairies.”

My dad’s new wife used to work at Apple Inc. She got there because “nobody told her she couldn’t,” as she so whimsically put it. She is an extremely creative, talkative, and pushy person. She inspires. She thinks in pictures. She’s a social media butterfly, connected. She’s charitable. Take all of these characteristics to the hundredth degree, and you have Angela Marie Baxley Glass.” — Melissa Andrea, here with her older brother Adrian Quezada, and little sister Gianna Vanessa



Angela and Darryl Glass

We invite you to join us
as we celebrate the joining of our love
ocean front this summer
July 27th for sunset
on North Topsail Island, North Carolina.

We are gathering our friends
in the tradition of our Southern hospitality

The Baxley & Glass Family
are pleased to host our younger-at-heart guests
at the Walker Organic Artist Retreat
on the Cape Fear River,
Blossoms Ferry Road,
Castle Hayne, North Carolina

You're Invited...

Répondez s’il vous plaît, details to follow.


Baxley + Glass

The Baxley & Glass families of Charlotte, North Carolina
have been family friends for generations.

Philip Darryl Glass and Angela Marié Niblick-Baxley Glass

Darryl and Angela

We invite you to sneak a peak at into our social life…

Darryl Glass

Philip Darryl Glass

Darryl “expounds upon Angela’s virtues a little”

“Angela is personable, beautiful, loving, joyful, spiritual-minded, brilliant, playful, serious about important things, sociable, likable, engaging, charming, studious, always thirsting for knowledge, one of the best friends a person can have, and she’s committed to ‘us’.

Angela is a designer in the tech world, I am a consultant in the business tech world. She loves people, family, and culture, like me. She loves to travel and experience other cultures, like me. She’s anxious for the end of this bad system and being a part of God’s new one, like me. She hates all the cruel injustices of this world, like me. She wants to make life a little better for people, like me. She loves the Bible, like me. She believes in the enjoyment of life, like me. She loves the ocean and the beach, like me. She’s also weird and slightly off, like me. All in all, we’re a pretty good fit. 🙂 Good thing since we are becoming “one flesh.'”

Angela on Darryl

“I just asked for the guy version of me.”

David said to Mi?chal: "I will celebrate..."



Loving life so much
You’d not do anything to be there

The smoke gets in your eyes
Then you want to live on earth

So what’d you do to leave
The sea of man
Would you swim to heaven?

They say there was a tree
On which they’d feed
And you wanted to get back here

But gone with a song
That made you want to sing along
From that muppet who had blue hair

You heard of a mountain
You saw it by his very hand once
Daddy warned you this would happen

He’d give anything to be here

One day, if anything they say is true
Does that mean he’ll never remember
Those things that I do?

As they measure craziness
I measure life

To thine own self be true
Only works if you believe that he’s in you

The spirit is fine,
As long as its divine?

No it’s not by proof
It’s by faith

It’s not a question
It’s an answer

Its not asking
It’s knowing

Not needing
But receiving

It’s about hope
It’s about humanity

Or spiritual hierarchy

Tell Us, When Will These Things Be?,” those who claim authority as the faithful and discreet slave say 1914.

Only it’s been proven that they are not, in fact, the faithful and discreet slave. And now I’m not quite certain — what did happen in 1914?

We know Christ didn’t come visibly. Why do I care about his coming invisibly?

Also, if the prophecy is regarding the earthly throne being vacated, then wouldn’t the fulfillment require the advent of the earthly kingdom?

The 2,520 years began in October 607 B.C.E., when Jerusalem fell to the Babylonians and the Davidic king was taken off his throne. The period ended in October 1914. At that time, “the appointed times of the nations” ended, and Jesus Christ was installed as God’s heavenly King.*Psalm 2:1-6; Daniel 7:13, 14.

I thought Christ sat down at his father’s right hand on the throne when he arrived as the resurrected firstborn of heaven?



My Grandpa, Herbie Schaadt

HERBERT LOWELL SCHAADT, 78, of Fort Wayne, passed away on Thursday, June 13, 2013, at Visiting Nurse Hospice Home.


Born April 26, 1935, in Willshire, Ohio, Herb was a son of the late Dorothy Fritz & Edward Schaadt.


On Jan 23, 1957, he married Laura “Katy” (Hilton) Schaadt. He retired from International Harvester and enjoyed being a musician in Audiences Unlimited.


Herb will be sadly missed by his wife, Katy; daughters, Wanda Rodman of Antwerp, Arlene (Melvin) Baxley of Statesville, N.C. and Audrey Knapp of Sarasota, Fla.; brother, Marvin of Fort Wayne…


seven grandchildren

  1. Allen Eugene Rodman
  2. Burton Lowell Rodman
  3. Angela Marié Niblick Baxley Glass
  4. Sandra Nicole Knapp
  5. Heather Reneé Niblick Baxley Puckett
  6. Matthew Gabriél Niblick Baxley
  7. Erin Estellé Baxley Hagar


and 13 great-grandchildren

  1. Luc Andrew Rodman
  2. Nathaniel Marc Rodman
  3. Madelynn Grace Rodman
  4. Hannah Marie Knapp
  5. Tyler Jayce Roberts
  6. Michal l’Lena Rodman
  7. Brittany Leann Hagar
  8. Katie Danielle Hagar
  9. Evan Elijah Rodman
  10. Hailey Estellé Hagar
  11. Mackenzie Leigh Puckett
  12. Hannah Nicole Hagar
  13. Jackson David Puckett
  14. (Addison Rae Knapp)
  15. (Charlotte Avery Baxley)

Uncle Randy and Grandpa

He was also preceded in death by his son, Randy; and brothers, Richard and Raymond.


See “You Died“, originally published on Medium, and the

And Grandma rocks my beats

Grandpa Schaadt and Gidget the Clown, his grand daughter

Service is 2 p.m. Monday, June 17, 2013, with viewing two hours prior to the service, at Dooley Funeral Home, 202 W. River St., Antwerp, Ohio. He will be laid to rest at Maumee Cemetery. Memorials to Hospice Home.


Condolences and fond memories may be shared at

Published in Fort Wayne Newspapers on June 15, 2013


Chickens Who Cross The Road

Your time is limited,
so don’t waste it living
someone else’s life.

Don’t be trapped by dogma —
which is living with the results
of other people’s thinking.

Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions
drown out your own inner voice.

And most important,
have the courage to follow
your heart and intuition.

They somehow already know
what you truly want to become.

Everything else is secondary.— Steve Jobs


Mean People.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.
— Eleanor Roosevelt

I’ve had my fill of mean people lately. People who slander, defame, and focus their energy on ruining the lives of people.

“Because they are mean is no reason why I should be.
I hate such things, and though I think I’ve a right to be hurt,
I don’t intend to show it.” — Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

I do not believe in retaliation, I believe in love.

My friends have been harassed for several years, having the misfortune of moving into a house on a block with neighbors who are like some nightmare story.

“I want to make sure that you are safe
and aware of what happens
when you start getting involved
with police issues like a restraining order…”


This is an open letter to those people, this is your warning—

Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.

Thank You

I also wanted to extend a thank you note to Officer Thompson of the San Francisco Police, Park Station for educating me on the in’s and out’s of psychological harassment and privacy rights in San Francisco.

Do Unto Others

“There’s trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them. Popularity contests are not truth contests—look how many scoundrel preachers were approved by your ancestors! Your task is to be true, not popular.

“To you who are ready for the truth, I say this: Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person. If someone slaps you in the face, stand there and take it. If someone grabs your shirt, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.

“Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that’s charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that.

“I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind.

“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.”

[This post is in response to an email received from my landlord 4/24 at 12:00pm.]


Shedding the Struggles.

That's San Francisco for ya.

Crazy day. I was threatened and video taped, and warned and provoked. Weird, weird, weirdness. I smiled my best smile and did my best to keep my cool and calm, while my insides quaked… but hopefully that’s a story I’ll never remember to tell you about.

Here’s what I want to remember — It was a great morning. You see, last night Mark, Bear and Darryl took down the fence. This all started about a week ago when I ran into my next door neighbor at The Mill and we walked and talked on the way back to the block. We talked about parking, and the block, the street and drama we’d both heard about and found baffling.

Anyway, I told him that I’d become friends with the family across the street, Mark Linares, and his wife and kids; Maryline, Bear, and Elaine. I knew that Mark wanted very much to take the fence down around their front yard, and ideally they’d be able to complete the house which includes not only the luxury of a San Francisco driveway, but also a garage!

Something about the drama on the street that I and — now I was aware — the other renters on the block had tried our best to side step and ignore had prevented them from taking the fence down. I only really knew one side of the stories, and that was coming from my side of the street. When I did befriend the family, I didn’t ask them questions about what was going on and quickly forgot that I might get funny looks for crossing the street and going into their yard behind the big huge fence.

Well, so I mention it to Mark — ‘sup with the fence? And he tells me about wanting to bring it down, and a week later is last night. We’d been hanging out at their house all day, and just finished dinner. I said, what about now? That was it, it was coming down!

We had to work quickly as the daylight was sure to soon go.

Fence Freedom!

And that we did. It didn’t take much, as Mark is a construction guy, so he’d put it up smart and secure, and easy to take down.

Project Pretty

We all celebrated, our makeshift block family, by watching The Pink Panther Strikes Again, closing out the night just after midnight on 4/20.

When I woke up this morning I came out to see them already at work on part two of the project.

Finishing touches.

The simple goal was to remove the wood that had braced the fence, leaving behind a spot for me to come along and plant something later.

Darryl and the Darling

Thats where the story got strange. I was thrilled to see their smiling happy faces. Freedom from the fence! And walking across the street it was also just beautiful to see the wide open space and the front of their house instead!

Elaine Linares

Minutes later though it was my silly idea to introduce myself to the neighbors who were next door sitting on their porch. I felt strange, as I felt watched. I shrugged it off and hollered hello! They came out to speak to me and after a quick intro I explained I was hoping to get her input on what might go well along the property line, as I didn’t want to plant anything too pollen-y, nor which would require much maintenance. But did she have thoughts or preferences? I got to meet her little girl, who had seemed curious and interested in the project. Suddenly though she’s telling me that they — pointing at the Linares — cannot speak to them. That she’s got a restraining order against them. I was  taken aback with the abrupt non-sequitur, and stumbled over my next words as my thoughts frenzied in my mind: “Does that mean you can’t speak to me?” I asked “No”, she said. “Okay”, I smiled. And I went back to talking about the flowers and planting plans.

Well, I’m over this story, it’s a long day later. Let’s just say that I hope to get to see the video that she took. She came out minutes later and was standing nearly on us filming while we tried to work. I was shaken by the aggression. What is that supposed to be about?! I tried to be light-hearted and friendly still, and quipped that I hoped she’d tag me in the video so I can be sure to share it with all my Facebook friends.

It was a strange scene. I really do hope she posts it somewhere because it’s surreal and I want to see it to see if I can make sense of what that was all about. She was talking about filming to protect herself. I asked from what, and she responded from them. It was just so strange. Here I am with a family who I’ve now gotten to know very well, who are my neighbors and who have adopted me like a sister — Elaine & Bear’s older sister, while Maryline & Mark’s younger… and then there are the people who I’ve heard about, only I’d heard about them, restraining orders, etc, from my landlord. She’d told me about all this when I first moved in. I remember her wild round eyes clear as day, and Sara’s were similar.

Then I met the dad, Brian. He told me that I shouldn’t loan them any money. Yeah. No context. I said why would I loan them money? I said they are my neighbors, if they needed I would feed them, and asked, “who needs money?”

Mark and Maryline apologized to me, and offered maybe I’d want to go for a walk to get a coffee or something to cool off. They saw I was shaking, I’d pointed it that out to the neighbor when I’d asked if she could just stop filming for now and go back to what she was doing prior.

I thanked them, and turned the offer around. Mark went to get me a cappuccino while I turned my energy into my heartfelt effort to continue to make a beautiful place for planting along the wall, something that both neighbors, as well as I from across the street might enjoy. Anyway, a very condensed story for a very intense and aggressive Saturday morning family project.

I’ve left out the details because as I told Brian and Sara,  they are welcome any given day to say hello or smile. And forgive me, I just don’t know how to not say hello, nor smile nor wave to someone who lives on my block. Call me a hippy, but I’ve got your back! 🙂

We broke down the fence, and we changed the world. If only on our block.

Prologue: Mark and Bear drove us to the beach. The guys surfed, we chilled, the girls stayed home to read stories. All-in-all, it was a good day.


Escape from Christendom

A friend and I were wondering about the etymology of the word Christendom the other day, and theorized that it might have meant to imply “Christ’s Kingdom”, only given Revelation, it would be the kingdom of the false Christ.

I then came across this story…

Escape from Christendom

by Robert Burnell

The Journey

In my dream I see the lone figure of a man following a road. As the sun sets beneath the hills, a city comes into view. Nearing it, the traveler sees what appears to be a large group of churches. Spires and crosses pierce the skyline. His pace quickens. Is this his destination? He passes an imposing structure, a neon sign flashing “Cathedral of the Future.” Farther on a floodlit stadium supports a billboard boasting that fifty thousand people crowd into evangelistic meetings there three nights a week. Beyond this, modest “New Testament” chapels and Hebrew Christian synagogues cluster together on the street front.

“Is this the City of God?” I hear the traveler ask a woman at the information booth in the central square.

“No this is Christian City, “she replies.

“But I thought this road led to the City of God!” He exclaims with great disappointment.

“That’s what we all thought when we arrived,” she answers, her tone sympathetic.

“This road continues up the mountain, doesn’t it?” He asks.

“I wouldn’t know, really,” she answers blankly.

I watched the man turn away from her and trudge on up the mountain in the gathering darkness. Reaching the top, he starts out into the blackness; it looks as though there is nothing, absolutely nothing, beyond. With a shudder he retraces his steps into Christian City an takes a room at a hotel.

Strangely unrefreshed, at dawn he arises and follows the road up the mountain again; in the brightening light of the sun he discovers that what seemed like a void the night before is actually a desert–dry, hot, rolling sand as far as the eye can see. The road narrows to a path which rises over a dune and disappears. “Can this trail lead to the City of God?” He wonders aloud. It appears to be quite deserted and rarely traveled. Continue reading


Father Al DNA

My daddy died March 4th. No mystery here. Wanna here a story I call life? Welcome to hell. Careful where you click. Yes, this is real.

In the midst of this Lenten season the faithful may be forced to once again “lift it up” because March 4th is quickly approaching shrouded in mystery…still.

DANE COUNTY — It’s been awhile since his name has been mentioned on the local news; Father Alfred Kunz. And that’s probably what his killer has always counted on.

15 years since the Roman Catholic Priest was found in the hallway of his tiny parish’s school with a gaping throat wound, and no arrests to report.

There was a glimmer of hope last year when local Madison based television stations, WISC among them, reported that items from Kunz’s murder scene were being submitted for touch DNA, something that wasn’t available back then.

On Friday the Dane County Sheriff’s Office gave this response to CBS 58 News inquiries:

“I can confirm that they are multiple motives being explored and the case is still active.  The recent DNA tests did not produce any additional information.”

Past investigators have gone on record to say they had a suspect and were keeping an eye on the person who was out of the jurisdiction. It was just a matter of waiting for the evidence to come in to move for the arrest.

One time lead investigator Mary Butler indicated they’re casting a much wider net, telling reporters: “People were calling about burglaries, about cults about relationships he may have had. When I look at this I’m just thinking of many things that could have caused his death.”

Conspiracies and theories abound about Kunz as documented for years by Matt C. Abbott.

Former parishioners have even posted a wedding homily given by Kunz on YouTube as tribute.

In the midst of this Lenten season the faithful may be forced to once again “lift it up” because March 4th is quickly approaching shrouded in mystery…still.