Culture, Music

Mad World

I’ve felt like a tweety bird flying a plane through the internet since the time that my momma said, you know, you remind me of Angela Bennett, you know that girl who designed that—well, Net.

You know, like Charlotte’s Web—but that’d make my guy the Pork or Cheeze but I can’t figure which…

Anyway I wake up today and the news goes down like this…

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If Dying Young Won’t Change Your Mind…

Filmed while the band was at SxSW 2013, and released to the web soon there after, “Diane Young” is a play on words.

When the government agents surround you again…

If Diane Young won’t change your mind,
Baby, baby, baby, baby right on time

Irish and proud, baby, naturally
But you got the luck of a Kennedy
So grab the wheel and keep holding it tight
Til you’re tottering off into that good night

With the luck of a Kennedy, my father died young, and it didn’t change his mind. I don’t mind either.

https://rd.io/e/QitD4CtK/

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A Boy & His Kite

I was raised in the land of bible thumping, and I think something about that has made me averse to all things ostentatious—I can still recall the first time I ran into a “I ran into Tammy Faye at the Mall” t-shirt at the mall. Whoa.

So you’ll have to pardon me if I don’t share the joy of music which names drop “Jesus”. I’ve never gone near the genre labeled “Christian”.

There seems to be something funny going on, and I kind of like it.

I’m discovering more and more music at the top of the “Heavy Rotation” chart on Rdio—and the albums are all spiritually focused… you know, like scriptural based lyrics.

Stranger yet, though nearly everyone I know in my day-to-day life is atheist—my friends—these albums are on nearly constant rotation, according to the service. I can’t help but wonder… do they know what they’re listening to?

Last week I hit Rdio’s “New Releases” section when I got home, and made an offhand comment in my mind (sort of like a whimper of a prayer) that I would love love love to have something good to listen to.

There was A Boy & His Kite. Knew nothing about it, but the cover seemed tasteful, and so I put it on and went about a task in the other room.

The music was melodic and made perfect company for a glass of red wine… but suddenly I found returning to the room, standing before the speakers. I did a double take… was I hearing this right?!

Having forgotten whatever I had been doing I sat down on my couch, laptop on my lap, and read the lyrics, song-by-song as the album played.

What can I say? He heard my wimper of a prayer.

The next day the album was on the top of heavy rotation, and there is stays to this day.

Check out Dave Wilton of A Boy & His Kite.

Here are the lyrics that got to me… Continue reading

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Put Your Arms Around Me, Natasha Bedingfield

We both heard it and thought of each other… and I can’t explain what is the glue that holds us in.

That original feeling never went away
That’s why I’m standing here today.

So many up and downs and nothing has changed.
That’s why you know I’m here to stay.

So put your arms around me and then stay there forever
Let it always be this way, you and me together.

So put your arms around me and I’ll never let go.
I know they’re easy words to say, but I mean it more than ever.

Yours is the kind of love makes nothing else feel good enough.
And I’m never gonna give you up, oh no.

That original feeling never went away
That’s why I’m standing here today.

Ain’t nobody gonna take your place
Only you made me feel this way.

So many up and downs and nothing has changed.
That’s why you know I’m here to stay.

Ain’t nobody gonna replace
Only you make me feel this saved.

I can’t explain what’s the glue that holds us in.
I can’t refrain if I had the chance to do it over again.

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“The Ice is Getting Thinner”, Death Cab for Cutie

We’re not the same, dear, as we used to be.
The seasons have changed and so have we.
There was little we could say, and even less we could do
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you.

We bury our love in the windsory grave
Along came the snow, that was all that remained.
But we stayed by its side as the days turned to weeks
And the ice kept getting thinner with every word that we’d speak.

And when spring arrived
We were taken by surprise when the flows under our feet
Led into the sea
Nothing was left for you and me.

We’re not the same, dear,
And it seems to me
There’s more where we can go
With nothing underneath.

And it saddens me to say
But we both know, well, it’s true
That the ice was getting thinner
Under me and you.

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A Beautiful Mess, Jason Mraz

You’ve got the best of both worlds.
You’re the kind of girl who can take down a man,
and lift him back up again.
You are strong but you’re needy,
Humble but you’re greedy
Based on your body language,
and shouted cursive I’ve been reading
Your style is quite selective,
But your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is.
Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It’s like picking up trash in dresses.

Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives.
And don’t mind my nerve, you can call it fiction
‘Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear.
‘Cause here we are, here we are.

Although you were biased, I love your advice.
Your comebacks, they’re quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities.
There’s no shame in being crazy.
Depending on how you take these
Words they’re paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging.

And it’s a beautiful mess, yes it is.
It’s like we’re picking up trash in dresses.

Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades.
And the kind and courteous is a life, I’ve heard,
But it’s nice to say that we played in the dirt.
Cause here, here we are, here we are.

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Juno

Finally finished a project that’s I’ve been cranking away at for the last two weeks, nearly non-stop. To celebrate I picked up a bottle of Sapphire to go with the tonic I had stashed away, and then C.S. and I went to see Juno. With my Nalgene in tow, of course!

I love this movie, it just gets to me in some special kind of way. Especially the scene where Juno is talking to her dad about people staying in love and together.

“In my opinion, the best thing you can do if find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.”

And then the opening song lyrics… “If I was a flower growing wild and free, All I’d want is you to be my sweet honey bee.”

Juno just makes me happy.

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MoZella “Going Home”

I pretend that I don’t care
when you know that I do
cause every step that I retrace
always leads me back to you

so how can you say
that you want me to stay
as I board the plane

show me if you want it
if you feel it cause I know
that I’m somewhere in your soul

give me a reason to love you
give me a reason not to go
home

and this is something you don’t know
truth is, I don’t know myself
but all I know is when I’m with you
I don’t want nobody else

so how can you say
that you want me to stay
as I board the plane

then show me if you want it
and you feel it cause I know
that I’m somewhere in your soul

give me a reason to love you
give me a reason not to go
and this might sound crazy
but I’ve loved you all along
so just humor my senses
as I sing this song
to you

and show me if you want it
and you feel it cause I know
that I’m somewhere in your soul

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Waiting For My Real Life To Begin [Colin Hay]

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
I’ll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don’t you understand
I already have a plan
I’m waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I’m walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I’m waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I’ll check my machine, there’s sure to be that call
It’s gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It’s just that times are lean

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don’t you understand
I already have a plan
I’m waiting for my real life to begin

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Ben Harper, Jack Johnson

The concert was absolutely amazing. At the end of Jack Johnson’s set I was left with the most contented feeling. His voice is true to the sound on the record… A rare and extraordinary feat for live music. Ben Harper was also so very cool. A legend in the breed.

Best of all were the people I shared the experience with. “I’ll always steal my kisses from you.”

Two songs that were especially touching:

Blessed To Be A Witness

Corcovado parted the sky
And through the darkness
On us he shined
Crucified in stone
Still his blood is my own
Glory behold all my eyes have seen
Have seen

I am blessed
I am blessed to be a witness

Some have flown away
And can’t be with us here today
Like the hills of my home
Some have crumbled and now are gone
Gather around for today won’t come again
Won’t come again

I am blessed
I am blessed to be a witness

So much sorrow and pain
Still I will not live in vain
Like good questions never asked
Is wisdom wasted on the past
Only by the grace of God go I

I am blessed to be a witness

Roses from My Friends
I could have treated you better
But you couldn’t have treated me worse
But he who laughs last
is he who cries first

Sometimes I feel I know strangers
better than I know my friends
Why must a beginning
be the means to an end?

The stones from my enemies
these wounds will mend
But I cannot survive
the roses from my friends

When the last word has been spoken
and we’ve beared witness to the final setting sun
All that shall remain is a token
of what we’ve said and done

When all we’ve had has been forsaken
And distant church bells no longer ring
That’s the sound of a heart taken
and the story of tears from a king

The stones from my enemies
these wounds will mend
But I cannot survive
the roses from my friends

This may be the last time I see you
Forgive me for holding you close
This may be the last time I see you
So of this moment I will make the most

This may be the last time I see you
But if you keep me in your heart
together we shall be eternal
If you believe
we shall never part

The stones from my enemies
These wounds will mend
But I cannot survive
the roses from my friends

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Beautiful Day…

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There’s no room
No space to rent in this town
You’re out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you’re not moving anywhere
You thought you’d found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It’s a beautiful day – the sky falls
You feel like it’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

You’re on the road
But you’ve got no destination
You’re in the mud
In the maze of her imagination
You love this town
Even if that doesn’t ring true
You’ve been all over
And it’s been all over you

It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
It’s a beautiful day

Touch me, take me to that other place
Teach me, I know I’m not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colours came out

It was a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me – take me to that other place
Reach me – I know I’m not a hopeless case
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
What you don’t know you can feel somehow
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
Don’t need it now
It was a beautiful day

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I used to be…

I used to be so private with my feelings. Never wanting the whole world to know, or my whole life to be presented as an open book.

This afternoon I was crying in Showmars. Trying to be subtle and unnoticed. (Hey, it was better than crying in the office.) But like anywhere I go people know me. The guy who runs the place called from over the counter, asking was I crying? Which of course calls the rest of the people’s attention to me. He offered ice cream. Oh, if only ice cream could make me all better.

I’ve always been one to look forward to the future. But right now it’s so nice in the present. I have a choice it seems to remain constantly living for today, which somehow never adds up to a tomorrow.

Some how I’m just stuck in the space between.

“The rain that falls
Splash in your heart…”
“…Why does it always rain on me?”

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I know an old lady…

I was going to go to bed, (and forget about the bug) when all of the sudden I remembered a poem/song my daddy used to recite.

“I know an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a spider that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a bird. How absurd to swallow a bird. She swallowed the bird to catch the spider that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a cat. Think of that to swallow a cat! She swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a dog. Oh what a hog, to swallow a dog! She swallowed the dog to catch the cat, she swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a goat. Popped open her throat, and swallowed a goat! She swallowed the goat to catch the dog, she swallowed the dog to catch the cat, she swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a cow. Don’t ask me how, but she swallowed a cow! She swallowed the cow to catch the goat, she swallowed the goat to catch the dog, she swallowed the dog to catch the cat, she swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider that wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die.

I know an old lady who swallowed a horse. She died, of course!”

  • Written by Rose Bonne and Alan Mills, 1952 and preformed by Peter, Paul and Mary.

Um, I’m going to bed now.

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Time of Your Life

Jessica Bull—my best friend—died March 9, 1997.

Here’s to you kid, my favorite Green Day fan of all.

[blockquote] Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don’t ask why.

It’s not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It’s something unpredicatable
but in the end it’s right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
of good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it’s worth,
it was worth all the while.

It’s something unpredictable
but in the end it’s right.

I hope you had the time of your life.[/blockquote]

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I came to say

I came to say…
Hey la, ho ho,
Hey la, ho ho…

Instead I’ll wonder and ponder over a thought… Music can be used to express so much. People could sit and make a CD where every word would apply – or so they could claim. Then you couldn’t believe that a song could mean anything less than every word, right?

I’m left in confusion, left in the dark. I don’t know what fuel’s the fire, I don’t know what happened to the spark. I guess we’re left to leave things as is? Don’t worry because I carry you around. That’s my tribute to the teeth you bare.

Several years ago my best friend died. The same weekend I found out that I was losing my other best friend to a different kind of death. I so wished I could reach out to her and share this song with her, in hopes that it would touch her heart. She’s still out there, and it’s so many years later.

Just Wait

If ever you are feeling like you’re tired
And all your uphill struggles leave you headed downhill
If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you
And your appetite for pain has drinken its fill

Just wait
And it will come

If you think I’ve given up on you, you’re crazy
And if you think that I don’t love you, well then you’re just wrong
In time you just might take to feeling better
Time is the beauty of the road being long

I know that now you feel no consolation
But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud
I say this without fear of hesitation
I can honestly tell you that you make me proud

If anything I might have just said has helped you
If anything I might have just said helped you just carry on
Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle
And your appetite for pain may all but be gone

I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping
Until that smile has once again returned to your face
There’s no such thing as a failure who keeps trying
Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace

And the song she shared with me, so many nights and stars and memories ago?

I pick up my smile put it in my pocket
Hold it for a while try not to have to drop it…

A pocket is no place for the smile anyway
Someday I will find love again will blow my mind
Maybe it will be that love that got away from me
Is there a line to write that could make you cry tonight

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Evan and Jaron

i don’t know what’s happening to me
i can’t remember things i used to believe
i caught myself just the other day
stealing color from words and leaving them gray
Yeah, i’ve fallen down a time or two
but no one was looking so i’m not telling you
i’ve got to make it better, make it all right
got to find me a ladder to reach the light
got to move to the exit, single file line
before the fire spreads to my head and burns my mind
it’s been real but it’s time to go home
time to change back to the clothes that i own
i could use some heavier shoes
to ground me in feelings i don’t want to lose
and all this time, i never knew
that it ever meant anything to you

Make it Better
Evan and Jaron, We’ve Never Heard Of You Either

 

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Nebraska

Well I had a great time on my trip to the midwest. Forgot how relaxing that lifestyle is, and how up tight we are around here.

I feel a disconnect from the world as I knew it. I don’t know what my direction in life is. It seems that sometimes love just isn’t enough.

Last night I had some pretty serious thoughts. Sobering thoughts. I was thinking of disappearing, in one way or another. Leaving this life behind.

So anyway, here I am, another day of living. And that’s okay.

Song for the day:

Fallen Angels
There’s a candle burning in the world tonight
For another child who vanished out of sight
And a heart is broken, another prayer in vain
There’s a million tears that fill a sea of pain
Sometimes I stare out my window
My thoughts all drift into space
Sometimes I wonder if there’s a better place

Where do fallen angels go
I just don’t know

Where do fallen angels go
They just keep falling

Now the times in frightening
Can’t ignore the facts
There’s so many people
Just slippin’ through the cracks
So many ashes are scattered
So many rivers run dry
Sometimes your Heaven is Hell
and you don’t know why

Can you hear me
Somewhere out there there’s a shining light
And I got to be with you tonight
And with all we’re nowhere
We still pay the price
Yeah the Devil seems to get his way
In downtown paradise

Aerosmith

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Do What I Have To Do

What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do …

and I have the sense to recognize that
I don’t know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I’m ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize

that I don’t know how
to let you go
I don’t know how
to let you go

a glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I’m shaken by the violence
of existing for only you

I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go

Sarah McLachlan

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Has she lost her mind?

I don’t think that she has, I think that she just needs time to figure out who she is and wants to be.

Who do you want to be?
WHAT do you want?
Maybe that’s a better question.

Has she lost her mind?

I remember thinking
I’ll go on forever only knowing
I’ll see you again

But I know
The touch of you is so hard to remember
But like that touch I know no other

And for sure we have danced
In the risk of each other
But we dance no longer.

I’ll be falling all about my own thing
And I know your the heaviest weight
When you’re not here that’s hung
Around my head

Sometimes we walk
Sometimes we run away
But I know
No matter how fast we are running
Somehow we keep up with each other

Or will we?

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Easy life.

She has lost her mind.

Hey my friend
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your time with me
Would you say you’re feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind

See you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
So we can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We’ll make the best of what’s around

Turns out not where but who you’re with
That really matters
And hurts not much when you’re around
And if you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you’re missing all the rest

Well she ran up into the light surprised
Her arms are open
Her mind’s eye is

Seeing things from a
Better side than most can dream
On a clearer road I feel
Oh you could say she’s safe
Whatever tears at her
Whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done
She’ll make the best of what’s around

Turns out not where but what you think
That really matters
We’ll make the best of what’s around

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STP

Last night I saw Stone Temple Pilots, with Disturbed and Godsmack.

STP rocked. Scott was a little out there… not any where near grunge, a new developed look and persona. They played Interstate Love Song, and Plush (my two favorite songs). But neither acoustic. : ( It’s amazing how easy it is to forget just how many songs we know by them. Every song I knew.

It was great seeing them at this point in my life – knowing how far I’ve come as a person since I first liked them. A coming full circle kind of feeling.

Time to take her home – her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride – it leaves today – no conversation
Take to take her home – her dizzy is conscience laden
Take to wait too long, to wait too long
These conversations kill

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Ryan

“Dave is a good song writer – here’s a couple lyrics I think apply.”

And in your eyes I see what’s on my mind
You’ve got me wild turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping up heavy inside here
And know you feel the same way I do now
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Just for tonight, one night…love you
And tomorrow say goodbye

It’s a typical situation
In these typical times
Too many choices
We can’t do a thing about it
Too many choices

Everybody asks me how she’s doing
Has she really lost her mind?
I said, I couldn’t tell you I’ve lost mine
I’m okay, I’m okay

Surprise, surprise you pay for what you get
You pay for what you get
Oh well oh well so here we stand
But we stand for nothing

How long I’m tied up My mind in knots –
My stomach reels In concern for what I might do or
What I’ve done It’s got me living in fear
But sometimes this thick confusion
Grows until I cannot bear it at all I let you down,
Oh, forgive me I have no lid upon my head
But if I did You could look inside and see what’s on my mind
How could I be such a fool like me oh, forgive me oh, forgive me

To the one who understands.

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Soul mates.

I feel partly settled. Like I finally know what I want, and have the strength and courage to achieve it. It’s funny. I thought today I would lose. I didn’t.

Soul mates. n.
1. One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.
2. Someone for whom you have a deep affinity (a natural attraction or feeling of kinship)

I don’t know what to think about that. I don’t know how to feel about it. There so much I used to question. To examine, and analyze. Now I don’t. I just accept. I am guided by heart, rather than mind. It’s a much more peaceful way of being.

This is so new for me. Being content, I think. Being okay. What more can I say?
So maybe I won’t.

I have my path, I know what I need to do, and how to do it, and the way to get to where I’m going.
I used to think that going my way meant that I was walking away from something else. I guess I don’t see that anymore. Even if the natural inclination is to believe that we are losing. It’s not possible. Somehow. someway there is a connection. Something deeper than our comprehension. Farther than our definitions define. And that’s what hold us together.

It’s also amazing that I’m so content in the moment. So much of life is lived looking to the future or wistfully into the past.“The future is no place, to place your better days”. And so with that in mind, I live. Today.


There’s a moment lost in time
When she says hush
I’m on your side
It’s just the two of us
You know that I
You know I’ll never say goodbye

How many days can you waste it boy
It’s a shame they say
There’s so much you know he’ll never enjoy
All the love we come to destroy

There’s a moment lost in time
When she says hush
I’m on your side
It’s just the two of us
Though they might try


angela

someone’s always coming around here trailing some new kill
says I seen your picture on a hundred dollar bill
and what’s a game of chance to you, to him is one of real skill
so glad to meet you
angela
picking up the ticket shows there’s money to be made
go on and lose the gamble that’s the history of the trade
you add up all the cards left to play to zero
and sign up with evil
angela
don’t start me trying now
‘cos I’m all over it
angela
I could make you satisfied in everything you do
all your ‘secret wishes’ could right now be coming true
and be forever with my poison arms around you
no-one’s gonna fool around with us
no-one’s gonna fool around with us
so glad to meet you
angela

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Irreconcilable differences.

ir·rec·on·cil·a·ble – adj.

Impossible to reconcile: irreconcilable differences.

n.
1. A person, especially a member of a group, who will not compromise, adjust, or submit.
2. One of two or more conflicting ideas or beliefs that cannot be brought into harmony.

I am torn.

I thought I saw a man brought to life,
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified,
He showed me what it was to cry,
Well, you couldn’t be that man I adored.
You don’t seem to know, seem to care, what your heart is for,
But I don’t know him anymore,
There’s nothing where he used to lie,
My conversation has run dry,
That’s what’s goin’ on. Nothing’s fine I’m torn…

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